Well Mini me, here it is, the eve of your birthday. This is a letter I have known for a while was coming. So I know exactly what I desire to say.
It's your first birthday without your mother. I kept my promise to you both. You never knew of the promise as you were still in your crib when I made it late one night. I promised I would do everything in my power to make sure you and your mother had a relationship. That promise has lasted for more than a decade, and looking back, I have no regrets.
I won't sit here and say it wasn't difficult at times. It was, but you know, more times than naught, the right things to do always tend to be the hardest. Never take the path of least resistance, Mini me, no personal growth lies down that path. Nothing but heartache and regrets will be your boon down such a path.
No Mini me, I hold no regrets now. I anchored myself in that promise, knowing full well before hand what lay ahead. To say you handled it with aplomb and dignity which far outweighed mine is an understatement of monstrous proportions. In a real sense, I need to thank you, you have been the steadying influence, and for that I can never repay you.
You have been there through the good and bad times. When I have stepped out to try and forge something and ended in failure, you were there to let me know everything would be ok. When you broke your bone, and I was worried sick, you were there to let me know bones heal. When I started to take life too serious, your prism of innocence was there to remind of the beauty in the everyday: the snowball fights followed by hot chocolate, the awe of standing 20 feet from 2 deer as we all had eyes as big as saucers. You've taught me much mini me, but most importantly, you have resurrected me.
You see mini me, prior to your birth, I was going through the motions of life. I was unfeeling to an extent. There was no pleasure in life, it was just routine of life: work, eat, sleep, play. You've changed that mini me. Every day is a new day now and for that I thank you.
We are entering a new stage now mini me. I no longer have that anchor of the promise. You have entered adolescence, and I cannot help but be proud of the young man you are becoming: thoughtful, caring, empathetic, wise beyond your years. I cannot promise you these future years will be easy, for I won't make false pretenses- there is enough of that in the world today. We'll have our disagreements. You'll think I am being overbearing at times, or that I just don't understand. Rest assured though, I too was once your age. Just know I always have your best intentions at heart. We'll weather this, as we have the last decade or so.
I do promise though, that I will always be beside you. I won't hold your hand through this, and I won't carry you, but together, we'll make it through.
Always my best Mini me
And thank you for everything
Dad
Monday, September 26, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Dancing with the Devil
So mini me had his first school dance of the year last night. I being the dutiful father provided the admittance fees, and some money for snacks, loaded him up, took him there and then left. I came home and did what every parent did, worried! It's in the parenting handbook, page1, right after providing unconditional love is to always worry and stress out. Trust me on this!
Well anyway after a couple hours, curiosity got the better of me and I headed down to the school. It was interesting to see mini me take those tentative steps into adolescence. No I didn't interfere, as I have said before, it is his life not mine, so I just observed from afar.
Mini me was dancing in the center of the floor, as only Jr. High Schoolers can. Think more like a pack mentality rather than individual couples. Yet you can start to see those first steps, cautious at first, but they were there as the boys and the girls danced around one another, yet never actually with one person.
Any how, as I was talking to a parent who was chaperoning, I notice that mini me kept having two females tying to dance strictly in front of him. I say in front because as noted earlier they aren't really dancing with one another. Now when one was in front of him, you could tell he was enjoying himself, smiling, laughing, yes even blushing. However when the other one took her place, you could tell he just wasn't as into it.
Now before you start assuming, some body type, hair, etc. So it wasn't a shallow thing. I have tried to instill into mini me that looks are nothing really important, it's the content of the character and personality which matters. Well given how he changed depending on who was in front of him, I made a mental note to poke around the edges to see what was going on.
Later in the evening after I "officially" arrived to pick him up, as we were driving home, I did the standard parent line of questioning: "Did you have fun?" "Meet any new people?" "Did you dance or play in the gym?" I like to think that I have fostered an open relationship with mini me. He can talk to me about any and every thing, and believe me he has!
Well he answered the questions which of course prompted new question, specifically the one I was waiting for, " Did you dance with any girls?" He told me a couple. I noted I saw him dancing with such and such as well as so and so. His comment took me back and made me think for several reasons. The remark was " Such and such just wants to have a boyfriend, and I want none of that."
Now my first reaction was wow! Smart kid but it got me thinking, what does it say of our society that a tweener is desperate to be in a relationship? Kids really are growing up fast these days. Mini me's answer shows how he is growing up and learning.
We talked more, about little things, important things and the ilk. As we talked I got more insight into how he thinks. I am starting to believe he is wise beyond his years. You see his reasoning can be boiled down to " any one who is desperate enough for a relationship, isn't comfortable with themselves."
I think what I am attempting to teach him is rubbing off: Be true to who and what you are. What I need to teach him though is not everyone is perfect. Not he, not I, not the one he was really enjoying dancing near. The secret, I think, is to learn to accept the imperfections, to realize that the imperfections make us who we are. To run away because of another's imperfections I tend to opine is because we cannot accept our own.
In a real sense, our imperfections are labeled as imperfections, when in fact they make us perfectly us. They are who we are.
Any how, supper was a slow cooked roast in the crock pot. Great for the crappy weather. I seared the roast on all sides, added some broth, rough cut carrots and onions, as well as some black beans. Half way through I added some chili adobo for some spiciness and then cooked for a couple more hours. I then served with some rice to which I had added a pepperjack cheese sause to.
Right now I am really diggin Mumford and son, so musically tonight it's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KkUeRPjc-Y&feature=fvwrel
Well anyway after a couple hours, curiosity got the better of me and I headed down to the school. It was interesting to see mini me take those tentative steps into adolescence. No I didn't interfere, as I have said before, it is his life not mine, so I just observed from afar.
Mini me was dancing in the center of the floor, as only Jr. High Schoolers can. Think more like a pack mentality rather than individual couples. Yet you can start to see those first steps, cautious at first, but they were there as the boys and the girls danced around one another, yet never actually with one person.
Any how, as I was talking to a parent who was chaperoning, I notice that mini me kept having two females tying to dance strictly in front of him. I say in front because as noted earlier they aren't really dancing with one another. Now when one was in front of him, you could tell he was enjoying himself, smiling, laughing, yes even blushing. However when the other one took her place, you could tell he just wasn't as into it.
Now before you start assuming, some body type, hair, etc. So it wasn't a shallow thing. I have tried to instill into mini me that looks are nothing really important, it's the content of the character and personality which matters. Well given how he changed depending on who was in front of him, I made a mental note to poke around the edges to see what was going on.
Later in the evening after I "officially" arrived to pick him up, as we were driving home, I did the standard parent line of questioning: "Did you have fun?" "Meet any new people?" "Did you dance or play in the gym?" I like to think that I have fostered an open relationship with mini me. He can talk to me about any and every thing, and believe me he has!
Well he answered the questions which of course prompted new question, specifically the one I was waiting for, " Did you dance with any girls?" He told me a couple. I noted I saw him dancing with such and such as well as so and so. His comment took me back and made me think for several reasons. The remark was " Such and such just wants to have a boyfriend, and I want none of that."
Now my first reaction was wow! Smart kid but it got me thinking, what does it say of our society that a tweener is desperate to be in a relationship? Kids really are growing up fast these days. Mini me's answer shows how he is growing up and learning.
We talked more, about little things, important things and the ilk. As we talked I got more insight into how he thinks. I am starting to believe he is wise beyond his years. You see his reasoning can be boiled down to " any one who is desperate enough for a relationship, isn't comfortable with themselves."
I think what I am attempting to teach him is rubbing off: Be true to who and what you are. What I need to teach him though is not everyone is perfect. Not he, not I, not the one he was really enjoying dancing near. The secret, I think, is to learn to accept the imperfections, to realize that the imperfections make us who we are. To run away because of another's imperfections I tend to opine is because we cannot accept our own.
In a real sense, our imperfections are labeled as imperfections, when in fact they make us perfectly us. They are who we are.
Any how, supper was a slow cooked roast in the crock pot. Great for the crappy weather. I seared the roast on all sides, added some broth, rough cut carrots and onions, as well as some black beans. Half way through I added some chili adobo for some spiciness and then cooked for a couple more hours. I then served with some rice to which I had added a pepperjack cheese sause to.
Right now I am really diggin Mumford and son, so musically tonight it's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KkUeRPjc-Y&feature=fvwrel
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Hands On
So it has been an interesting day to say the least. Nasty, dreary weather makes my old bones ache. Actually not old, just a disabled vet, but no biggie. It was just interesting at work for various unsaid reasons, mainly to protect those who provide me comedic relief.
No it was an interesting day as mini me noticed as we were driving that a mother walking on the sidewalk was carrying her child who appeared to be about 4-5, while no more than 50 yards ahead another mother was walking hand in hand with her child who appeared to be about the same age.
I tend to think this is an apt metaphor for parenting and for life. There are those who carry their children through life, while others walk beside them hand in hand. I myself do neither. I prefer to walk behind him and let him learn his life's lessons, always there for support but it's his life to lead, not mine.
Don't get me wrong, there are times when we need to hold the hand, or carry our child. In my case it has been recently the metaphorical hand holding has taken place, for reasons expressed in other blog entries. But that is not how I work. I don't think mini me would learn anything about life if I carried him through it. Nor do I think it is my place to walk with him through it side by side. As I said, his life, not mine.
It should make for an interesting weekend. The Baltimore Book festival is taking place and I loves me a good book. Also mini me has some extra curriculars taking place Namely a school dance. Books I can handle, they generally tend to be less of a disappointment to me than people. As for the school dance, all I can really say is UGH! I am not ready for this.
He already has girls texting him, calling him buff and noting how deep his voice is. How come I am getting the sad premonition that he may be giving me dating advice soon? FML is all I can say, FML.
Oh well, such is life. Tonight we made a a curry chicken. A local store has great curry seasons - side note: the spicier the better- and I just added some coconut milk, some onions, garlic, peppers and diced tomatoes. Served it all over some rice.
I am diggin this song something fierce: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pehz98Vygs
No it was an interesting day as mini me noticed as we were driving that a mother walking on the sidewalk was carrying her child who appeared to be about 4-5, while no more than 50 yards ahead another mother was walking hand in hand with her child who appeared to be about the same age.
I tend to think this is an apt metaphor for parenting and for life. There are those who carry their children through life, while others walk beside them hand in hand. I myself do neither. I prefer to walk behind him and let him learn his life's lessons, always there for support but it's his life to lead, not mine.
Don't get me wrong, there are times when we need to hold the hand, or carry our child. In my case it has been recently the metaphorical hand holding has taken place, for reasons expressed in other blog entries. But that is not how I work. I don't think mini me would learn anything about life if I carried him through it. Nor do I think it is my place to walk with him through it side by side. As I said, his life, not mine.
It should make for an interesting weekend. The Baltimore Book festival is taking place and I loves me a good book. Also mini me has some extra curriculars taking place Namely a school dance. Books I can handle, they generally tend to be less of a disappointment to me than people. As for the school dance, all I can really say is UGH! I am not ready for this.
He already has girls texting him, calling him buff and noting how deep his voice is. How come I am getting the sad premonition that he may be giving me dating advice soon? FML is all I can say, FML.
Oh well, such is life. Tonight we made a a curry chicken. A local store has great curry seasons - side note: the spicier the better- and I just added some coconut milk, some onions, garlic, peppers and diced tomatoes. Served it all over some rice.
I am diggin this song something fierce: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pehz98Vygs
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
White lies
So mini-me got busted telling a white lie. The only person it affected was him, and it was quickly rectified. However he did ask me if there really ever is a time when I lie is necessary. Which has me thinking.
Personally I find it to be one of the ultimate show of a lack of respect to lie to someone. I mean we're all grown adults, right? Why lack the integrity to just be honest? A little background information may be helpful.
Yesterday I posted something on another website, which was more attuned to my interpersonal communication skills and have they have changed over the years. Yes, it could be construed that I was referring to people, and in fact, I was, only three, and no names were mentioned. 2 because of things they inferred about mini-me, and 1 because of lies which were said to me. Now a few people blew up my cell phone with text messages asking if it was referring to them, including 2 of the 3.
Now I didn't specifically state it was about them when asked, nor did I specifically deny. Perhaps this is a lie of omission, but in one specific case, it heads off a conversation which would be long and painful, for both parties I would think. Perhaps that is my own attempts to justify my actions, who knows?
I guess I have hit a stage of ambivalence. Then again, I don't think that is the right word. Apathy may be more in line with where I am. Too much has happened over the last year or so for me to really give a damn.
Perhaps I am kicking myself for what seems to be a lie of omission to people I have no personal respect for, yet somehow I cannot get over the feeling of two wrongs do not make a right. Perhaps the real answer lies in the fact that my greatest disappointments always come from those I let close to me.
In either even I hope mini me learns from my mistakes and never makes them.
Dinner was a slow cooked marinara, linguini with oven roasted sausage, a ceasar salad and garlic bread .
Music for the evening is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXYiU_JCYtU&feature=relmfu
Personally I find it to be one of the ultimate show of a lack of respect to lie to someone. I mean we're all grown adults, right? Why lack the integrity to just be honest? A little background information may be helpful.
Yesterday I posted something on another website, which was more attuned to my interpersonal communication skills and have they have changed over the years. Yes, it could be construed that I was referring to people, and in fact, I was, only three, and no names were mentioned. 2 because of things they inferred about mini-me, and 1 because of lies which were said to me. Now a few people blew up my cell phone with text messages asking if it was referring to them, including 2 of the 3.
Now I didn't specifically state it was about them when asked, nor did I specifically deny. Perhaps this is a lie of omission, but in one specific case, it heads off a conversation which would be long and painful, for both parties I would think. Perhaps that is my own attempts to justify my actions, who knows?
I guess I have hit a stage of ambivalence. Then again, I don't think that is the right word. Apathy may be more in line with where I am. Too much has happened over the last year or so for me to really give a damn.
Perhaps I am kicking myself for what seems to be a lie of omission to people I have no personal respect for, yet somehow I cannot get over the feeling of two wrongs do not make a right. Perhaps the real answer lies in the fact that my greatest disappointments always come from those I let close to me.
In either even I hope mini me learns from my mistakes and never makes them.
Dinner was a slow cooked marinara, linguini with oven roasted sausage, a ceasar salad and garlic bread .
Music for the evening is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXYiU_JCYtU&feature=relmfu
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Weekend Walk
So it was a good weekend. Yesterday mini me and I continued the shopping binge for him. He is just growing way too fast for my liking. Oh well such is life,but the retail therapy did not help whatsoever.
Today however I gave him the choice of attending the Renaissance Festival or walking around Baltimore. He chose the latter, and I couldn't be happier. Don't get me wrong, I like the Renaissance Festival, I think it keeps alive a bygone era of chivalry. At the same time though, I tend to think that is paints a more picturesque view of life in those times. I mean seriously, they can have their apothecaries, or their choreographed duels, but when you think about it, the Renaissance was a time of hard work and despair. Order of Black Death anyone?
No it was a good day as mini-me just had the day to talk and walk. Some of the things were good to talk about, while others were quite thought provoking.
No parent ever wants to answer the question: "What happens to me if you die?" Call me crazy but I have always felt honesty was necessary given all that went on with his mother. So I told him, he would go live with a relative, and a trust fund would be established for him from my life insurance, but that the most important thing was to live the life he was given. His response: " Don't you think you should start dating so that won't happen?" Have to love the logic of a tweener, NOT!
However that led to the more interesting topic of dating and what I look for. I guess the best way to describe is is quality. Just like with friends, I value the quality of a person over the number. Add in mini-me and that quality takes on even more importance. He didn't understand until I asked how many friends he had on his social networking site. His answer was a couple hundred. I then asked how many he actually talked to and hung out with. The reply, maybe 10. At that point the light bulb went off.
Sad part is though, lately my ability to sit back and analyze has been lacking. You see I am a Taurus through and through. I will sit back and analyze, see how things proceed and then engage in the chase. It all really starts from a point of respect though. Much to my chagrin, I have been lacking. Perhaps the toils of single parenting have taken its toll? Perhaps it's too soon to start over, but then again, I have always been single, so is it really starting over?
I was talking to a niece and she pointed out that women have all the cards in a relationship so to speak. Men want one thing and women hold the key to it. Here's a wake up call though, I don't need that, nor would I say it is a want. It's an act between two people, nothing more. It only derives meaning when the two people derive the same meaning together.
One may want a booty call, or a friend with benefits, while the other wants something long term. Guess I am somewhat old fashioned in that I prefer the latter to the former. In either instance though, both parties should be open and honest with one another. Only thing I have found lately though are those who do logical gymnastics either because they are too afraid of who they are, or just too scared of what may be.
Mini me is right though, I do need to find my way back into the stream of life. To meet new people and see what happens. This time though, the progress will be glacially slow. I respect myself too much to deal with those who cannot even deal with themselves.
Just remember, Friends are God's way of apologizing for a family, so insure they are true to you as you are to them.
Today however I gave him the choice of attending the Renaissance Festival or walking around Baltimore. He chose the latter, and I couldn't be happier. Don't get me wrong, I like the Renaissance Festival, I think it keeps alive a bygone era of chivalry. At the same time though, I tend to think that is paints a more picturesque view of life in those times. I mean seriously, they can have their apothecaries, or their choreographed duels, but when you think about it, the Renaissance was a time of hard work and despair. Order of Black Death anyone?
No it was a good day as mini-me just had the day to talk and walk. Some of the things were good to talk about, while others were quite thought provoking.
No parent ever wants to answer the question: "What happens to me if you die?" Call me crazy but I have always felt honesty was necessary given all that went on with his mother. So I told him, he would go live with a relative, and a trust fund would be established for him from my life insurance, but that the most important thing was to live the life he was given. His response: " Don't you think you should start dating so that won't happen?" Have to love the logic of a tweener, NOT!
However that led to the more interesting topic of dating and what I look for. I guess the best way to describe is is quality. Just like with friends, I value the quality of a person over the number. Add in mini-me and that quality takes on even more importance. He didn't understand until I asked how many friends he had on his social networking site. His answer was a couple hundred. I then asked how many he actually talked to and hung out with. The reply, maybe 10. At that point the light bulb went off.
Sad part is though, lately my ability to sit back and analyze has been lacking. You see I am a Taurus through and through. I will sit back and analyze, see how things proceed and then engage in the chase. It all really starts from a point of respect though. Much to my chagrin, I have been lacking. Perhaps the toils of single parenting have taken its toll? Perhaps it's too soon to start over, but then again, I have always been single, so is it really starting over?
I was talking to a niece and she pointed out that women have all the cards in a relationship so to speak. Men want one thing and women hold the key to it. Here's a wake up call though, I don't need that, nor would I say it is a want. It's an act between two people, nothing more. It only derives meaning when the two people derive the same meaning together.
One may want a booty call, or a friend with benefits, while the other wants something long term. Guess I am somewhat old fashioned in that I prefer the latter to the former. In either instance though, both parties should be open and honest with one another. Only thing I have found lately though are those who do logical gymnastics either because they are too afraid of who they are, or just too scared of what may be.
Mini me is right though, I do need to find my way back into the stream of life. To meet new people and see what happens. This time though, the progress will be glacially slow. I respect myself too much to deal with those who cannot even deal with themselves.
Just remember, Friends are God's way of apologizing for a family, so insure they are true to you as you are to them.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Friday Freakout
Ok! I know. Yesterday was a rant, and nothing more. But it was a much needed rant, so get over it. Somethings are going on that are farcical to say the least. Actually, it is starting to remind me of theater of the absurd, something akin to "Rosencrantz and Gildenstern are Dead" or "Waiting for Godot". Let's say say people seeking attention, be it good, bad or indifferent is sad to watch. Body language says quite a bit...but enough of that.
Fridays are always fun for me. Mini me wakes up early and we normally head to a local establishment and sit down and have breakfast before he goes to school and I trudge off to the monotony of work. Sadly that is the highlight of my day. Well that is until I get home and get to see him again.
This evening when I got home, I decided I needed a break so we went out. Some of the things we did were rather mundane, grocery shopping and we grabbed some dinner. But first, clothes shopping for mini me. Now I jokingly tell people I am glad I am raising a son alone, for if he were a she, I would definitely see a convent in her future.
But I find as he gets older, he is just as finicky, just as picky as I imagine a daughter would be. Wait, strike that, I remember how picky the youngest of my sisters was, so perhaps not as finicky...but close. I am not going to sit here and say he has to have the latest fad, the most expensive name brand, or the stuff that will make him look cool. He just wants his clothes to fit him in a well manner.
Well any who, while shopping and talking it comes out a girl said he was "buff". And now he seems REALLY animated about attending a school dance next week. I think he needs to give me lessons as his social calendar far exceeds mine.
Did I mention I am not ready for puberty? Guess I need to start investing in a good hair dye.
all kidding aside, I am neither that superficial, nor that materialistic that I would seek to alter my looks, or change what I shop for in regards to myself or my son. I dress impeccably for work and then bum when not at work, and I let him pick his own fashion sense.
I think a lot of people I have come across lately could take some lessons from him
Fridays are always fun for me. Mini me wakes up early and we normally head to a local establishment and sit down and have breakfast before he goes to school and I trudge off to the monotony of work. Sadly that is the highlight of my day. Well that is until I get home and get to see him again.
This evening when I got home, I decided I needed a break so we went out. Some of the things we did were rather mundane, grocery shopping and we grabbed some dinner. But first, clothes shopping for mini me. Now I jokingly tell people I am glad I am raising a son alone, for if he were a she, I would definitely see a convent in her future.
But I find as he gets older, he is just as finicky, just as picky as I imagine a daughter would be. Wait, strike that, I remember how picky the youngest of my sisters was, so perhaps not as finicky...but close. I am not going to sit here and say he has to have the latest fad, the most expensive name brand, or the stuff that will make him look cool. He just wants his clothes to fit him in a well manner.
Well any who, while shopping and talking it comes out a girl said he was "buff". And now he seems REALLY animated about attending a school dance next week. I think he needs to give me lessons as his social calendar far exceeds mine.
Did I mention I am not ready for puberty? Guess I need to start investing in a good hair dye.
all kidding aside, I am neither that superficial, nor that materialistic that I would seek to alter my looks, or change what I shop for in regards to myself or my son. I dress impeccably for work and then bum when not at work, and I let him pick his own fashion sense.
I think a lot of people I have come across lately could take some lessons from him
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Not So ready for Prime Time but here we go
Well it's been a minute since I last posted. Mini me keeps me on my toes, what can I say.
It's been good though. Mini me is rocking in school and life is grand.
Well OK, not really grand. I swear I should hang a shingle outside my window saying "therapist for hire to listen to your drama" Just for the record, I should probably only do that for family members, but it seems the drama is always based on several problems.
1) Quit playing games: The drama one experiences is usually based on the Karma bus getting ready to run your ass over
2) Be honest, not just with people you interact, but most importantly with yourself. Self deception is the worst type of dishonesty. When you are caught in a lie, admit it. At least you won't perpetuate the notion you're an idiot.
3) No matter how one attempts to compartmentalize, life has a habit of shattering those walls. In other words, you may think you're safe, but reality tends to bite you in the ass when you least expect it.
I could really make some bank showing some how they have broken these simple rules. Problem is, most don't want to hear they are their own worst enemy.
In a nutshell, know who you are, what you are and what you want to be.
Sorry for the rant, just been a loooooong week.
It's been good though. Mini me is rocking in school and life is grand.
Well OK, not really grand. I swear I should hang a shingle outside my window saying "therapist for hire to listen to your drama" Just for the record, I should probably only do that for family members, but it seems the drama is always based on several problems.
1) Quit playing games: The drama one experiences is usually based on the Karma bus getting ready to run your ass over
2) Be honest, not just with people you interact, but most importantly with yourself. Self deception is the worst type of dishonesty. When you are caught in a lie, admit it. At least you won't perpetuate the notion you're an idiot.
3) No matter how one attempts to compartmentalize, life has a habit of shattering those walls. In other words, you may think you're safe, but reality tends to bite you in the ass when you least expect it.
I could really make some bank showing some how they have broken these simple rules. Problem is, most don't want to hear they are their own worst enemy.
In a nutshell, know who you are, what you are and what you want to be.
Sorry for the rant, just been a loooooong week.
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