It's been several months. Life has returned to the pattern of father son. By that I mean, work, chillin with mini-me, repeat. Good News I am under a pack of cigarettes a day. Bad news, I am now addicted to breath mints.
Mini-me and I made it through the year of firsts since his mother's passing. We had a private ceremony to remember. I had a really nice "Memory Box" made. My thinking is that in it, we'll put those things for him to remember her. Yet also it will serve as a repository of moments of his life they could not share together. I hope it will become something he'll treasure for the rest of his life.
Other than that, nothing has really been going on of importance. We survived the year of firsts. He survived school. Given that it had been several years since he had seen family, and after talking with family..he has gone to visit them for the vast majority of the Summer.
On one hand I get a vacation, on the other hand, and don't ever tell him this, I do miss him. Having said that however, I have started the necessary clean up this new start requires. This part was something which best be done alone.
I'll be back to writing on this, more than likely on a weekly basis. Perhaps I will throw in some politics..it is the Presidential season after all. I am hesitant to do that though as one always tends to come across those "True Believers" with whom having anything remotely resembling an intelligent conversation is rendered moot. Sadly though, I think I am related to a lot of those, on both sides of the political spectrum. We'll see though.
Haven't cooked in the last week or so as I went from the ER to bed rest. Hell of a way to spend Summer with mini-me gone for 6 months huh? Although right before that I did make a nice blackened salmon I served with some dirty rice.
I've got some ideas for more cooking. Getting into some claypot cooking, and more international cuisine. We'll see where it goes.
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Monday, October 31, 2011
Tying One on With a Mask
Happy Halloween All! Or Samhain if you'r Wiccan.
It's been a rough few days. Been sick as hell lately, but you know, the parent's work is never done. Makes me think of a bit I saw from John Leguizamo a few years ago. Basically the gist was " Being a single parent means, always stressed, always broke and always incapable of getting a date." The first two I can agree with, the last, really doesn't matter. But that gets me to the point of this blog, mini me dressed for Halloween as, what can only best be described as, a dapper demented clown. He was decked out in black pants, black shirt, black vest, black hat a black tie and of course, a demented clown mask.
Perhaps it is me reflecting back on my own life, but I spent the better part of an hour teaching mini-me how to tie the tie, and in that, I think it is a rite of passage. No more of those silly clip on's. Now some may say a tie is just an accessory, which is true. On the other hand though, the ability to accessorize, to just tie that knot opens up a new world. Gone are the graphic tee's which say " Here lies student. Died too young. Bored to death." Oh ok, that is the shirt I wore in 7th grade, but that was when ...well never mind, don't wish to date myself.
No the ability to tie that knot is a sure sign of mini-me's passage from childhood, if ever there was one. Honestly though, it doesn't upset me. It doesn't upset me because of the mask, or rather how he acted once the mask went on.
To be sure, Halloween is a time to pretend we, child and adult alike, are someone or something else, but at our core, we are who we are. Our actions dictate our character. I tend to think some wear masks so often, and change them so regularly that they know not who they are.
Walter Anderson said "The first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." Being the dutiful father, I made sure that someone was with mini me and his friends as they went on their great candy hunt. The feedback I got was interesting. The parent told me that no one recognized mini-me, until his actions showed his character. Evidently he saw someone get separated from a group and helped that person catch up. When I asked about it, his response was, "it was the right thing to do"
Now I am sure mini-me doesn't really know who he is yet, but the simple fact he that it was the right thing to do shows me he is well on his way. Though he had that mask on, he was true to himself. A father couldn't ask for more.
It's been a rough few days. Been sick as hell lately, but you know, the parent's work is never done. Makes me think of a bit I saw from John Leguizamo a few years ago. Basically the gist was " Being a single parent means, always stressed, always broke and always incapable of getting a date." The first two I can agree with, the last, really doesn't matter. But that gets me to the point of this blog, mini me dressed for Halloween as, what can only best be described as, a dapper demented clown. He was decked out in black pants, black shirt, black vest, black hat a black tie and of course, a demented clown mask.
Perhaps it is me reflecting back on my own life, but I spent the better part of an hour teaching mini-me how to tie the tie, and in that, I think it is a rite of passage. No more of those silly clip on's. Now some may say a tie is just an accessory, which is true. On the other hand though, the ability to accessorize, to just tie that knot opens up a new world. Gone are the graphic tee's which say " Here lies student. Died too young. Bored to death." Oh ok, that is the shirt I wore in 7th grade, but that was when ...well never mind, don't wish to date myself.
No the ability to tie that knot is a sure sign of mini-me's passage from childhood, if ever there was one. Honestly though, it doesn't upset me. It doesn't upset me because of the mask, or rather how he acted once the mask went on.
To be sure, Halloween is a time to pretend we, child and adult alike, are someone or something else, but at our core, we are who we are. Our actions dictate our character. I tend to think some wear masks so often, and change them so regularly that they know not who they are.
Walter Anderson said "The first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." Being the dutiful father, I made sure that someone was with mini me and his friends as they went on their great candy hunt. The feedback I got was interesting. The parent told me that no one recognized mini-me, until his actions showed his character. Evidently he saw someone get separated from a group and helped that person catch up. When I asked about it, his response was, "it was the right thing to do"
Now I am sure mini-me doesn't really know who he is yet, but the simple fact he that it was the right thing to do shows me he is well on his way. Though he had that mask on, he was true to himself. A father couldn't ask for more.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Q & A with Mini Me
So it has been an interesting last few days. Evidently mini me has a crush and has been asking how to get someone to like him. My response was a question: "Do you like yourself?" Now by this I mean are you comfortable with yourself. This of course lead to more questions and a longer conversation.
The gist of the conversation was he needs to be true to himself. We all know that it does no good to anyone to be false in how they present themselves. So that part is a given. What I told him, and I know we will have more discussions on this, is to always act with personal honor and integrity. Not only towards the one he is chasing, but towards himself.
That gets me back to my question I posed to him. You see I also warned him, those who have a need to be liked, be it to be popular, or to just to be in a relationship are not the kind he needs to chase after. For that matter, it's not the kind any of us need to chase after. It's my opinion that people who are like that are only seeking validation because they are too afraid of themselves. In the end, the only result they get is to make others as miserable in life as they themselves are with themselves. So when I asked mini me if he was comfortable with himself, the gist of the question was this: can he handle being alone?
There is nothing wrong with being able to be alone with yourself. I tend to agree with the quote from Aristotle, " Knowing one's self is the first step towards achieving wisdom." Yes I paraphrased, but the gist is still the same. I would hope he never says he needs a relationship, or that he doesn't handle being alone well. Phrases such as those are sure signs, at least in my eyes, that something is amiss.
They are phrases I have never said, for I like to think I know who and what I am. An example: when mini me goes away for his functions, coworkers tend to push me to go out and party. Well the partying stage for me is long gone. Don't get me wrong, I can go out and have fun. I just don't need to. It's not like going out will fundamentally alter who I am. It could fundamentally alter my situation, true. But to change who I am as a person, or to alter the definition of what my personhood means? I think not.
Having said all that, and knowing I am not ready for this, I have resigned myself to the fact that the next few years mini me and I will be revisiting these conversations probably often. Some may read this and think I am afraid that he is growing up and would be leaving. Part of me would like for him to stay a certain age. But at the same time, I know it's important that he has the tools necessary to go through life.
The gist of the conversation was he needs to be true to himself. We all know that it does no good to anyone to be false in how they present themselves. So that part is a given. What I told him, and I know we will have more discussions on this, is to always act with personal honor and integrity. Not only towards the one he is chasing, but towards himself.
That gets me back to my question I posed to him. You see I also warned him, those who have a need to be liked, be it to be popular, or to just to be in a relationship are not the kind he needs to chase after. For that matter, it's not the kind any of us need to chase after. It's my opinion that people who are like that are only seeking validation because they are too afraid of themselves. In the end, the only result they get is to make others as miserable in life as they themselves are with themselves. So when I asked mini me if he was comfortable with himself, the gist of the question was this: can he handle being alone?
There is nothing wrong with being able to be alone with yourself. I tend to agree with the quote from Aristotle, " Knowing one's self is the first step towards achieving wisdom." Yes I paraphrased, but the gist is still the same. I would hope he never says he needs a relationship, or that he doesn't handle being alone well. Phrases such as those are sure signs, at least in my eyes, that something is amiss.
They are phrases I have never said, for I like to think I know who and what I am. An example: when mini me goes away for his functions, coworkers tend to push me to go out and party. Well the partying stage for me is long gone. Don't get me wrong, I can go out and have fun. I just don't need to. It's not like going out will fundamentally alter who I am. It could fundamentally alter my situation, true. But to change who I am as a person, or to alter the definition of what my personhood means? I think not.
Having said all that, and knowing I am not ready for this, I have resigned myself to the fact that the next few years mini me and I will be revisiting these conversations probably often. Some may read this and think I am afraid that he is growing up and would be leaving. Part of me would like for him to stay a certain age. But at the same time, I know it's important that he has the tools necessary to go through life.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Dancing with the Devil
So mini me had his first school dance of the year last night. I being the dutiful father provided the admittance fees, and some money for snacks, loaded him up, took him there and then left. I came home and did what every parent did, worried! It's in the parenting handbook, page1, right after providing unconditional love is to always worry and stress out. Trust me on this!
Well anyway after a couple hours, curiosity got the better of me and I headed down to the school. It was interesting to see mini me take those tentative steps into adolescence. No I didn't interfere, as I have said before, it is his life not mine, so I just observed from afar.
Mini me was dancing in the center of the floor, as only Jr. High Schoolers can. Think more like a pack mentality rather than individual couples. Yet you can start to see those first steps, cautious at first, but they were there as the boys and the girls danced around one another, yet never actually with one person.
Any how, as I was talking to a parent who was chaperoning, I notice that mini me kept having two females tying to dance strictly in front of him. I say in front because as noted earlier they aren't really dancing with one another. Now when one was in front of him, you could tell he was enjoying himself, smiling, laughing, yes even blushing. However when the other one took her place, you could tell he just wasn't as into it.
Now before you start assuming, some body type, hair, etc. So it wasn't a shallow thing. I have tried to instill into mini me that looks are nothing really important, it's the content of the character and personality which matters. Well given how he changed depending on who was in front of him, I made a mental note to poke around the edges to see what was going on.
Later in the evening after I "officially" arrived to pick him up, as we were driving home, I did the standard parent line of questioning: "Did you have fun?" "Meet any new people?" "Did you dance or play in the gym?" I like to think that I have fostered an open relationship with mini me. He can talk to me about any and every thing, and believe me he has!
Well he answered the questions which of course prompted new question, specifically the one I was waiting for, " Did you dance with any girls?" He told me a couple. I noted I saw him dancing with such and such as well as so and so. His comment took me back and made me think for several reasons. The remark was " Such and such just wants to have a boyfriend, and I want none of that."
Now my first reaction was wow! Smart kid but it got me thinking, what does it say of our society that a tweener is desperate to be in a relationship? Kids really are growing up fast these days. Mini me's answer shows how he is growing up and learning.
We talked more, about little things, important things and the ilk. As we talked I got more insight into how he thinks. I am starting to believe he is wise beyond his years. You see his reasoning can be boiled down to " any one who is desperate enough for a relationship, isn't comfortable with themselves."
I think what I am attempting to teach him is rubbing off: Be true to who and what you are. What I need to teach him though is not everyone is perfect. Not he, not I, not the one he was really enjoying dancing near. The secret, I think, is to learn to accept the imperfections, to realize that the imperfections make us who we are. To run away because of another's imperfections I tend to opine is because we cannot accept our own.
In a real sense, our imperfections are labeled as imperfections, when in fact they make us perfectly us. They are who we are.
Any how, supper was a slow cooked roast in the crock pot. Great for the crappy weather. I seared the roast on all sides, added some broth, rough cut carrots and onions, as well as some black beans. Half way through I added some chili adobo for some spiciness and then cooked for a couple more hours. I then served with some rice to which I had added a pepperjack cheese sause to.
Right now I am really diggin Mumford and son, so musically tonight it's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KkUeRPjc-Y&feature=fvwrel
Well anyway after a couple hours, curiosity got the better of me and I headed down to the school. It was interesting to see mini me take those tentative steps into adolescence. No I didn't interfere, as I have said before, it is his life not mine, so I just observed from afar.
Mini me was dancing in the center of the floor, as only Jr. High Schoolers can. Think more like a pack mentality rather than individual couples. Yet you can start to see those first steps, cautious at first, but they were there as the boys and the girls danced around one another, yet never actually with one person.
Any how, as I was talking to a parent who was chaperoning, I notice that mini me kept having two females tying to dance strictly in front of him. I say in front because as noted earlier they aren't really dancing with one another. Now when one was in front of him, you could tell he was enjoying himself, smiling, laughing, yes even blushing. However when the other one took her place, you could tell he just wasn't as into it.
Now before you start assuming, some body type, hair, etc. So it wasn't a shallow thing. I have tried to instill into mini me that looks are nothing really important, it's the content of the character and personality which matters. Well given how he changed depending on who was in front of him, I made a mental note to poke around the edges to see what was going on.
Later in the evening after I "officially" arrived to pick him up, as we were driving home, I did the standard parent line of questioning: "Did you have fun?" "Meet any new people?" "Did you dance or play in the gym?" I like to think that I have fostered an open relationship with mini me. He can talk to me about any and every thing, and believe me he has!
Well he answered the questions which of course prompted new question, specifically the one I was waiting for, " Did you dance with any girls?" He told me a couple. I noted I saw him dancing with such and such as well as so and so. His comment took me back and made me think for several reasons. The remark was " Such and such just wants to have a boyfriend, and I want none of that."
Now my first reaction was wow! Smart kid but it got me thinking, what does it say of our society that a tweener is desperate to be in a relationship? Kids really are growing up fast these days. Mini me's answer shows how he is growing up and learning.
We talked more, about little things, important things and the ilk. As we talked I got more insight into how he thinks. I am starting to believe he is wise beyond his years. You see his reasoning can be boiled down to " any one who is desperate enough for a relationship, isn't comfortable with themselves."
I think what I am attempting to teach him is rubbing off: Be true to who and what you are. What I need to teach him though is not everyone is perfect. Not he, not I, not the one he was really enjoying dancing near. The secret, I think, is to learn to accept the imperfections, to realize that the imperfections make us who we are. To run away because of another's imperfections I tend to opine is because we cannot accept our own.
In a real sense, our imperfections are labeled as imperfections, when in fact they make us perfectly us. They are who we are.
Any how, supper was a slow cooked roast in the crock pot. Great for the crappy weather. I seared the roast on all sides, added some broth, rough cut carrots and onions, as well as some black beans. Half way through I added some chili adobo for some spiciness and then cooked for a couple more hours. I then served with some rice to which I had added a pepperjack cheese sause to.
Right now I am really diggin Mumford and son, so musically tonight it's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KkUeRPjc-Y&feature=fvwrel
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Cleaning out and Starting Anew
Today was a long, hard day. Mini me and I spent a few hours going through things of his mother's from hospice. You know the little stuffed animals he got her, or the character themed teddy bears he got her for special occasions. All told it was a cathartic experience, but mini me handled it well.
There were somethings he wants to keep. To put in a memory box so that he can remember his mom. The other things we decided we will take to a homeless shelter for families. Perhaps the joy his mom obtained from receiving can be continued through other families less fortunate than my own.
It got me thinking though, we all go through cathartic events which require us to examine life, clean out the negative influences and start anew. It's never an easy thing though, the letting go of the past. Partly because the past defines who we are. More importantly though, it's because there is so much tied into it: our hopes, dreams, aspirations, fears, regrets and the ilk.
Perhaps the hardest part is is looking back and seeing those we thought close to us, were in fact little more than a negative influence. To be sure there are good memories which come to mind when we think of them, but on the whole, the influence was negative. By negative I take it to mean, they did not help us to become a better person. Aren't our true friends the ones who make us better? Who understand us and the why's and how's of our though processes?
Sorting through these myriad issues can be difficult in the best of times. Add in mini me and it's a variable which must be considered. I can honestly state though, he teaches me more than I teach him. His resilience is something of which I am envious.
Most importantly though, today taught me that the past is the past. We need to let it go in order to move forward. Life does not have a reverse gear in it.
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