Cleaning out and Starting Anew

Today was a long, hard day. Mini me and I spent a few hours going through things of his mother's from hospice. You know the little stuffed animals he got her, or the character themed teddy bears he got her for special occasions. All told it was a cathartic experience, but mini me handled it well.

There were somethings he wants to keep. To put in a memory box so that he can remember his mom. The other things we decided we will take to a homeless shelter for families. Perhaps the joy his mom obtained from receiving can be continued through other families less fortunate than my own.

It got me thinking though,  we all go through cathartic events which require us to examine life, clean out the negative influences and start anew. It's never an easy thing though, the letting go of the past. Partly because the past defines who we are. More importantly though, it's because there is so much tied into it: our hopes, dreams, aspirations, fears, regrets and the ilk. 

Perhaps the hardest part is is looking back and seeing those we thought close to us, were in fact little more than a negative influence. To be sure there are good memories which come to mind when we think of them, but on the whole, the influence was negative. By negative I take it to mean, they did not help us to become a better person. Aren't our true friends the ones who make us better? Who understand us and the why's and how's of our though processes? 

Sorting through these myriad issues can be difficult in the best of times. Add in mini me and it's a variable which must be considered. I can honestly state though, he teaches me more than I teach him. His resilience is something of which I am envious. 

Most importantly though, today taught me that the past is the past. We need to let it go in order to move forward. Life does not have a reverse gear in it. 

To thine own self....

So it's been a rough week for mini-me. The second week of middle school, and given the biblical type weather of eathquakes, hurricanes and flooding, school is finally back into full swing.

It is interesting to watch and help him learn. I know he knows what he is doing. He just questions himself. Now a little dose of self skepticism is a good thing. At times though, it is extremely frustrating as his father to watch him question everything. It's at that point, I need for him to step back.

To be honest, I really do not like to see anyone doubt themselves. This feeling is compounded exponentially when it comes to mini-me. I don't like to see them doubt themselves for a selfish reason, it tends to cause me to doubt myself, and let's face it: the last thing a single parent needs is more self doubt.

No I don't need those self doubters. The ones who question their abilities, or worse yet, themselves and what they want or what they need. Experience has shown me that these tend to be the worst offenders. They want you to be their therapist, to hear their sad stories, or to give them the kick in the ass they are too afraid to give themselves. In the end though, their self doubt tends to be contagious.

 Luckily, mini-me doesn't question his wants or needs. He just needs to learn to trust his abilities.

Love Bytes

So I was listening to the internet radio stations on my smart phone today, and an interesting stat was thrown out: 25% of all relationships start on the internet. I found this quite interesting as I have had success via internet dating, have also had an unmitigated disaster or two. No I don't use websites like eharmony or the ilk.Rather it is just pure randomness of meeting people.

What I got to thinking about though, wasn't so much the how's, why's, or who's of internet dating, but rather the differences and why they are.

Let's face reality, when you are staring at a monitor talking to someone you really have no way of knowing if they are who they say they are. We've all seen the caricatures the fat guy posing as the super hot model. But doesn't the same kind of duplicity take place in face to face gatherings. Look at the many places we hang out to try and find Mr. or Mrs.Right.

Women will spend hours ad nauseum getting their war paint, yes I mean make up, so they look just right. To strategically accentuate their best parts, while de-emphasizing their perceived worst. Men are no different though. They'll spend time to make sure they look good as well. Yes, guys preen, if they tell you they don't, they're lying.

Perhaps the internet dating is a reaction to the image oriented society we live. Everyone wants that perfect guy or gal to have on their arm; to make all their friends, and especially their ex's say 'Damnnnnnnnnnnn!" The only thing internet dating cannot due is let you see those tics. You know, those tell tale signs of interest in you. Then  again, those can be duplicitous as well. They gal could just be looking for a drink since she is low on funds, or the guy just seeking to fulfill a desire.

Well here is a little secret, no body is perfect. Not you, not I, not the neighbors.  So next time you are staring across a dance floor, or a bar at that smoking hot gal/guy, your better bet is to look at the guy/gal who could care less. Chances are they will probably be more honest with you than Steve the pseudo-Stud Muffin, or Nancy the No-So Nearly Nymphomaniac.

Why you may ask, because they are at least being honest with themselves, can you say the same?

Meet the Foackers!

well ok, we all get the allusion to the movie, so let us just dispense with that. It's "Back to School Night" for mini me, and this is always a tough exercise.This is the first year where I don't have to explain his mother is in hospice, so not quite sure how this will go over.

Let me get one this straight, but Foackers, I am not referring to the teachers. I actually feel for them. They have to teach under withering constraints, trying to get the children to regurgitate information based on an unfunded mandate, No Child Left Behind.  Then again, let's face reality, a teacher has to put on the airs and say "Yes your child is delight, and I look forward to working with him/her" No parent is going to react in a positive fashion to being told their kid is special. Any who says to the contrary is trying to sell you something. I readily admit, the foibles mini me has, he has learned from me. I am just attempting to make sure he does not make the mistakes I made.

No by Foackers, I am referring to the dearth of fathers at these events. I know my situation is outside the norm,but come'on Dads, testicle up and take a more active part in your child's life than a simple game of catch! There are times when I swear it feels I am at a Regional Convention of Stay at Home Moms & Soccer Moms Convention.

It seems the only time I see fathers at these events are when it is "Career Day" or a school dance and Daddy's little Princess needs to be chaperoned from afar. What does it teach our kids that we cannot spend the time to meet their teachers? To sit and help with homework? Forget "Take Your Kids to Work Day"  let us have a "Take Your Parents to Field Day" at school.

To be sure, we live in a rapidly changing time, and change is the most resisted concept we come across. We all like our ruts, no matter how much we may complain. It's a comfortable blanket we wear around us because we don't want to face newness. We worry if our kids are being raised to avoid stereotypes. Hell I know parents who's children are in elementary school and they are already worried about "collegiate resumes". WTH! You're child is 9, let the child be a child!

No the worst part of Meet the Foackers, is the condescending look of pity I get from the mothers. I hate it. It's a look which says " Oh poor him" In reality, the nonverbalized sentiment is " Thank God I don't have his life." Truth be told, I love my life. I've met some great people whom I call friends, who are as dear to me, if not more so than some of my family. I won't say there are some who haven't been a negative influence because at the very least, I learned from them.

No Meet the Foackers is not an enjoyable experience, not because of the teachers, but because things could be so much better. Take time and enjoy your child, in no time at all, they will be gone and you'll be left. There is a word, vivify, it means to enliven, brighten or sharpen. Mini-me truly vivifies me for without him, life would be nothing more than periods of time between sleep.

A Question on Manhood

Today was an interesting day with mini me as he wanted me to do something for him, so we made a deal. Now I will admit, the deal required me to do something for him prior to his completing the deal. Now I will know there are some who think: " You cannot ask a tweener to do such things." I like to think I am raising him differently, and events bear fruit that he is becoming a man.

But first, I should provide some background on what I consider manhood to entail.

1) Integrity: this lets people know that your word is your bond. If you say something, make a promise to do something or be somewhere, keep it. In other words, always let people know your intentions.

2) Honesty: this is a multifaceted term. Not only do I mean speaking the truth, but also honesty of the person. Be who you are.

3) Responsibility: This one is self explanatory.

In the end, if you are honest with who and what you are, responsible for your actions, and practice personal and interpersonal integrity, then that, to me, constitutes manhood.

Oh to be sure, you will come across those who have no concept of who they are, or why they do the things they do. Are they practicing an egocentric personality, to be sure. In the end though, it tends to bite them in the ass. Just my opinion.

A real man though, would not laugh at the karmic bite in the ass, not revel in their pain or disappointment.  He would just let them be, and hope a lesson was learned.

Which gets me back to the deal with mini me. he did not fulfill his end of the arrangement though I did with mine. The net result is now he does not have his video game console for a week. Did he whine, complain, make excuses? Quite the contrary, he owned up, accepted responsibility and his punishment.

All in all, a good day.

Dinner was braised chicken in a tomatillo-serrano chili sauce served over some cheesy rice ( I used shredded pepperjack).Had some kick to it but was quite tasty.


Music for the evening is Bob Dylan as I am in a mellow mood. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0E9k70Tpz8

Memories' Battles

First off, you'll start to notice that my blogs take place either early in the morning, or late in the evening. I find I think more lucidly at these times. The former allows me to reflect on the hopes and aspirations, while the latter allows for reflection on the day's events. But enough of that.

Today was an interesting day. Domestic Duty Day, D3 if you will, always allow for time to just talk with mini me about what's going on. Let me tell you, talking with a Tweener is an interesting exercise. On one hand it is interesting to watch as he develops into the man you hope he will become, on the other, it is like doing gymnastics on a waterbed.  One minute he is asking about current events, the next minute he is asking about my past.

Allow me to provide a caveat. I have several degrees, in political science and history. Also in another life time, I studied engineering. I like to think I have a good memory, but when mini me asks about my past, I really, and I mean REALLY wish I had kept a journal. I mean seriously, had I know he would ask what I was doing at his exact age, I really would have kept a journal. I mean he sincerely asked what it was like to walk to school in the rain, the path I took, what it was like to wake up at 6AM for school, or who I had a crush on. Scary part is, he grabs my yearbooks from High School and starts asking. Side bar: seriously, did I look that goofy?


It is interesting as he asks these questions as it takes me back to the day. I remember each of them. Some  rather vividly, some in passing. I guess it shows man's duality as the ones I remember the most are the ones I had either the most animosity towards, or the greatest affection. The former still make me cringe while the latter still makes me smile.


On that note, I am so not ready for puberty! I hated it when I went through it, I don't want to imagine it with mini me going through it. It's a rough time as we learn who we are as a person, what we want out of life, and what we need to achieve that. It is my hope that mini me learns those lessons while also learning about concepts of honor, integrity and morality.


Which gets me back to memories' battles. First, I think as parents we attempt to shield our children from our own reality as much as possible: to not know the pains we went through, or go continue to experience.  I love mini me like no other person, but I really do not want him to know everything I have been through. Is this wrong? Perhaps. Selfish, most definitely. But he needs to be his own person.


On a happy note, the domestic god in me came out.  My kitchen is so clean, it actually may cause blindness and three loads of laundry are done! *happy dances* Oh wait, that means I have to iron all those shirts and pants for work. UGH! Oh well, such is the price of working for "Da Man!"


We ended up not making the Naan bread pizzas, we'll do that tomorrow. We just did some sandwiches for lunch and then had some pasta with a vegetable marinara and salad for dinner. We'll do the Naan bread pizza tomorrow with perhaps a quiche for breakfast. It's always fun to be in the kitchen with mini me. He gets so into the cooking, not so much the cleaning as he goes, but hey, baby steps, ya know?

Here's hoping your tomorrow brings you lots of laughs and smiles from those closest to you.

Slowdown Sundays

Sundays are so hard!

They were THE DAY. The day when, for the past 7 years, I took mini-me to visit his mom and the long-term care/hospice facility she was in. They would talk, eat together. He would read to her. It was truly a delight to be a part of, to watch a son and mother connect. Now, 4 months later, I am still lost at what to do.

Perhaps we might do some hiking. Or hit a farmers' market. I need to get some 'maters, want to make some grilled Naan bread pizza. Mini-me loves it! Also it is a good way introduce him to new forms of cooking. I find it's my obligation to raise him to be independent, honest and to act with integrity. To make sure he treats others as he would want to be treated. That if others treat him detrimentally, that doesn't mean he should reciprocate, but to just not bother with them. Small people treat people horrifically, if for no other reason, than they wish for others to feel as they do.

Or I could become a domestic god, but who am I kidding. I have too much testosterone in me. LOL. Actually all things considered, I am not doing too bad. Just have laundry and some secondary cleaning to do. Ok, ok, in all honesty, I have lots of primary cleaning to do as well but nothing I cannot handle. Hard part comes in a week or two when I need to steam the carpets.

As it is Sunday,  it generally tends to be an acoustic type music day. Music is melodic poetry set to sound. It is, to me, the spontaneous outpouring of emotions into written form. The songs that stick with me most are the ones were the lyrics hit a chord, no pun intended, and the vocal abilities are amazing. Along that line, today's song is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgFQ6WmxdMs  Shinedown's cover of Lyrnrd Skynrd's "Simple Man"