Dancing with the Devil

So mini me had his first school dance of the year last night. I being the dutiful father provided the admittance fees, and some money for snacks, loaded him up, took him there and then left. I came home and did what every parent did, worried! It's in the parenting handbook, page1, right after providing unconditional love is to always worry and stress out. Trust me on this!

Well anyway after a couple hours, curiosity got the better of me and I headed down to the school.  It was interesting to see mini me take those tentative steps into adolescence. No I didn't interfere, as I have said before, it is his life not mine, so I just observed from afar.

Mini me was dancing in the center of the floor, as only Jr. High Schoolers can. Think more like a pack mentality rather than individual couples. Yet you can start to see those first steps, cautious at first, but they were there as the boys and the girls danced around one another, yet never actually with one person.

Any how, as I was talking to a parent who was chaperoning, I notice that mini me kept having two females tying to dance strictly in front of him. I say in front because as noted earlier they aren't really dancing with one another.  Now when one was in front of him, you could tell he was enjoying himself, smiling, laughing, yes even blushing. However when the other one took her place, you could tell he just wasn't as into it.

Now before you start assuming, some body type, hair, etc. So it wasn't a shallow thing.  I have tried to instill into mini me that looks are nothing really important, it's the content of the character and personality which matters.  Well given how he changed depending on who was in front of him, I made a mental note to poke around the edges to see what was going on.

Later in the evening after I "officially" arrived to pick him up, as we were driving home, I did the standard parent line of questioning: "Did you have fun?" "Meet any new people?" "Did you dance or play in the gym?" I like to think that I have fostered an open relationship with mini me. He can talk to me about any and every thing, and believe me he has!

Well he answered the questions which of course prompted new question, specifically the one I was waiting for, " Did you dance with any girls?" He told me a couple. I noted I saw him dancing with such and such as well as so and so. His comment took me back and made me think for several reasons. The remark was " Such and such just wants to have a boyfriend, and I want none of that."

Now my first reaction was wow! Smart kid but it got me thinking, what does it say of our society that a tweener is desperate to be in a relationship? Kids really are growing up fast these days. Mini me's answer shows how he is growing up and learning.

We talked more, about little things, important things and the ilk. As we talked I got more insight into how he thinks. I am starting to believe he is wise beyond his years. You see his reasoning can be boiled down to " any one who is desperate enough for a relationship, isn't comfortable with themselves."

I think what I am attempting to teach him is rubbing off: Be true to who and what you are. What I need to teach him though is not everyone is perfect. Not he, not I, not the one he was really enjoying dancing near. The secret, I think, is to learn to accept the imperfections, to realize that the imperfections make us who we are. To run away because of another's imperfections I tend to opine is because we cannot accept our own.

In a real sense, our imperfections are labeled as imperfections, when in fact they make us perfectly us. They are who we are.

Any how, supper was a slow cooked roast in the crock pot. Great for the crappy weather. I seared the roast on all sides, added some broth, rough cut carrots and onions, as well as some black beans. Half way through I added some chili adobo for some spiciness and then cooked for a couple more hours. I then served with some rice to which I had added a pepperjack cheese sause to.

Right now I am really diggin Mumford and son, so musically tonight it's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KkUeRPjc-Y&feature=fvwrel

Hands On

So it has been an interesting day to say the least. Nasty, dreary weather makes my old bones ache. Actually not old, just a disabled vet, but no biggie. It was just interesting at work for various unsaid reasons, mainly to protect  those who provide me comedic relief.

No it was an interesting day as mini me noticed as we were driving that a mother walking on the sidewalk was carrying her child who appeared to be about 4-5, while no more than 50 yards ahead another mother was walking hand in hand with her child who appeared to be about the same age.

I tend to think this is an apt metaphor for parenting and for life. There are those who carry their children through life, while others walk beside them hand in hand. I myself do neither. I prefer to walk behind him and let him learn his life's lessons, always there for support but it's his life to lead, not mine.

Don't get me wrong, there are times when we need to hold the hand, or carry our child. In my case it has been recently the metaphorical hand holding has taken place, for reasons expressed in other blog entries. But that is not how I work. I don't think mini me would learn anything about life if I carried him through it. Nor do I think it is my place to walk with him through it side by side. As I said, his life, not mine.

It should make for an interesting weekend. The Baltimore Book festival is taking place and I loves me a good book. Also mini me has some extra curriculars taking place Namely a school dance. Books I can handle, they  generally tend to be less of a disappointment to me than people. As for the school dance, all I can really say is UGH! I am not ready for this.

He already has girls texting him, calling him buff and noting how deep his voice is. How come I am getting the sad premonition that he may be giving me dating advice soon? FML is all I can say, FML.

Oh well, such is life. Tonight we made a a curry chicken. A local store has great curry seasons - side note: the spicier the better- and I just added some coconut milk, some onions, garlic, peppers and diced tomatoes. Served it all over some rice.

I am diggin this song something fierce: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pehz98Vygs

White lies

So mini-me got busted telling a white lie. The only person it affected was him, and it was quickly rectified. However he did ask me if there really ever is a time when I lie is necessary.  Which has me thinking.

Personally I find it to be one of the ultimate show of a lack of respect to lie to someone. I mean we're all grown adults, right? Why lack the integrity to just be honest? A little background information may be helpful.

Yesterday I posted something on another website, which was more attuned to my interpersonal communication skills and have they have changed over the years. Yes, it could be construed that I was referring to people, and in fact, I was, only three, and no names were mentioned. 2 because of things they inferred about mini-me, and 1 because of lies which were said to me. Now a few people blew up my cell phone with text messages asking if it was referring to them, including 2 of the 3.

Now I didn't specifically state it was about them when asked, nor did I specifically deny. Perhaps this is a lie of omission, but in one specific case, it heads off a conversation which would be long and painful, for both parties I would think. Perhaps that is my own attempts to justify my actions, who knows?

I guess I have hit a stage of ambivalence. Then again, I don't think that is the right word. Apathy may be more in line with where I am. Too much has happened over the last year or so for me to really give a damn.

Perhaps I am kicking myself for what seems to be a lie of omission to people I have no personal respect for, yet somehow I cannot get over the feeling of two wrongs do not make a right. Perhaps the real answer lies in the fact that my greatest disappointments always come from those I let close to me.

In either even  I hope mini me learns from my mistakes and never makes them.

Dinner was a slow cooked marinara, linguini with oven roasted sausage, a ceasar salad and garlic bread .

Music for the evening is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXYiU_JCYtU&feature=relmfu

Weekend Walk

So it was a good weekend. Yesterday mini me and I continued the shopping binge for him. He is just growing way too fast for my liking. Oh well such is life,but the retail therapy did not help whatsoever.

Today however I gave him the choice of attending the Renaissance Festival or walking around Baltimore.  He chose the latter, and I couldn't be happier. Don't get me wrong, I like the Renaissance Festival, I think it keeps alive a bygone era of chivalry. At the same time though, I tend to think that is paints a more picturesque view of life in those times. I mean seriously, they can have their apothecaries, or their choreographed duels, but when you think about it, the Renaissance was a time of hard work and despair. Order of Black Death anyone?

No it was a good day as mini-me just had the day to talk and walk. Some of the things were good to talk about, while others were quite thought provoking.

No parent ever wants to answer the question: "What happens to me if you die?" Call me crazy but I have always felt honesty was necessary given all that went on with his mother.  So I told him, he would go live with a relative, and a trust fund would be established for him from my life insurance, but that the most important thing was to live the life he was given. His response: " Don't you think you should start dating so that won't happen?" Have to love the logic of a tweener, NOT!

However that led to the more interesting topic of dating and what I look for. I guess the best way to describe is is quality. Just like with friends, I value the quality of a person over the number. Add in mini-me and that quality takes on even more importance. He didn't understand until I asked how many friends he had on his social networking site. His answer was a couple hundred. I then asked how many he actually talked to and hung out with. The reply, maybe 10.  At that point the light bulb went off.

Sad part is though, lately my ability to sit back and analyze has been lacking. You see I am a Taurus through and through. I will sit back and analyze, see how things proceed and then engage in the chase. It all really starts from a point of respect though. Much to my chagrin, I have been lacking.  Perhaps the toils of single parenting have taken its toll? Perhaps it's too soon to start over, but then again, I have always been single, so is it really starting over?

I was talking to a niece and she pointed out that women have all the cards in a relationship so to speak. Men want one thing and women hold the key to it. Here's a wake up call though, I don't need that, nor would I say it is a want. It's an act between two people, nothing more. It only derives meaning when the two people derive the same meaning together.

One may want a booty call, or a friend with benefits, while the other wants something long term. Guess I am somewhat old fashioned in that I prefer the latter to the former.  In either instance though, both parties should be open and honest with one another.  Only thing I have found lately though are those who do logical gymnastics either because they are too afraid of who they are, or just too scared of what may be.

Mini me is right though, I do need to find my way back into the stream of life. To meet new people and see what happens. This time though, the progress will be glacially slow. I respect myself too much to deal with those who cannot even deal with themselves.

Just remember, Friends are God's way of apologizing for a family, so insure they are true to you as you are to them.