It's been several months. Life has returned to the pattern of father son. By that I mean, work, chillin with mini-me, repeat. Good News I am under a pack of cigarettes a day. Bad news, I am now addicted to breath mints.
Mini-me and I made it through the year of firsts since his mother's passing. We had a private ceremony to remember. I had a really nice "Memory Box" made. My thinking is that in it, we'll put those things for him to remember her. Yet also it will serve as a repository of moments of his life they could not share together. I hope it will become something he'll treasure for the rest of his life.
Other than that, nothing has really been going on of importance. We survived the year of firsts. He survived school. Given that it had been several years since he had seen family, and after talking with family..he has gone to visit them for the vast majority of the Summer.
On one hand I get a vacation, on the other hand, and don't ever tell him this, I do miss him. Having said that however, I have started the necessary clean up this new start requires. This part was something which best be done alone.
I'll be back to writing on this, more than likely on a weekly basis. Perhaps I will throw in some politics..it is the Presidential season after all. I am hesitant to do that though as one always tends to come across those "True Believers" with whom having anything remotely resembling an intelligent conversation is rendered moot. Sadly though, I think I am related to a lot of those, on both sides of the political spectrum. We'll see though.
Haven't cooked in the last week or so as I went from the ER to bed rest. Hell of a way to spend Summer with mini-me gone for 6 months huh? Although right before that I did make a nice blackened salmon I served with some dirty rice.
I've got some ideas for more cooking. Getting into some claypot cooking, and more international cuisine. We'll see where it goes.
Showing posts with label Maryland. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Maryland. Show all posts
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Dancing with the Devil
So mini me had his first school dance of the year last night. I being the dutiful father provided the admittance fees, and some money for snacks, loaded him up, took him there and then left. I came home and did what every parent did, worried! It's in the parenting handbook, page1, right after providing unconditional love is to always worry and stress out. Trust me on this!
Well anyway after a couple hours, curiosity got the better of me and I headed down to the school. It was interesting to see mini me take those tentative steps into adolescence. No I didn't interfere, as I have said before, it is his life not mine, so I just observed from afar.
Mini me was dancing in the center of the floor, as only Jr. High Schoolers can. Think more like a pack mentality rather than individual couples. Yet you can start to see those first steps, cautious at first, but they were there as the boys and the girls danced around one another, yet never actually with one person.
Any how, as I was talking to a parent who was chaperoning, I notice that mini me kept having two females tying to dance strictly in front of him. I say in front because as noted earlier they aren't really dancing with one another. Now when one was in front of him, you could tell he was enjoying himself, smiling, laughing, yes even blushing. However when the other one took her place, you could tell he just wasn't as into it.
Now before you start assuming, some body type, hair, etc. So it wasn't a shallow thing. I have tried to instill into mini me that looks are nothing really important, it's the content of the character and personality which matters. Well given how he changed depending on who was in front of him, I made a mental note to poke around the edges to see what was going on.
Later in the evening after I "officially" arrived to pick him up, as we were driving home, I did the standard parent line of questioning: "Did you have fun?" "Meet any new people?" "Did you dance or play in the gym?" I like to think that I have fostered an open relationship with mini me. He can talk to me about any and every thing, and believe me he has!
Well he answered the questions which of course prompted new question, specifically the one I was waiting for, " Did you dance with any girls?" He told me a couple. I noted I saw him dancing with such and such as well as so and so. His comment took me back and made me think for several reasons. The remark was " Such and such just wants to have a boyfriend, and I want none of that."
Now my first reaction was wow! Smart kid but it got me thinking, what does it say of our society that a tweener is desperate to be in a relationship? Kids really are growing up fast these days. Mini me's answer shows how he is growing up and learning.
We talked more, about little things, important things and the ilk. As we talked I got more insight into how he thinks. I am starting to believe he is wise beyond his years. You see his reasoning can be boiled down to " any one who is desperate enough for a relationship, isn't comfortable with themselves."
I think what I am attempting to teach him is rubbing off: Be true to who and what you are. What I need to teach him though is not everyone is perfect. Not he, not I, not the one he was really enjoying dancing near. The secret, I think, is to learn to accept the imperfections, to realize that the imperfections make us who we are. To run away because of another's imperfections I tend to opine is because we cannot accept our own.
In a real sense, our imperfections are labeled as imperfections, when in fact they make us perfectly us. They are who we are.
Any how, supper was a slow cooked roast in the crock pot. Great for the crappy weather. I seared the roast on all sides, added some broth, rough cut carrots and onions, as well as some black beans. Half way through I added some chili adobo for some spiciness and then cooked for a couple more hours. I then served with some rice to which I had added a pepperjack cheese sause to.
Right now I am really diggin Mumford and son, so musically tonight it's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KkUeRPjc-Y&feature=fvwrel
Well anyway after a couple hours, curiosity got the better of me and I headed down to the school. It was interesting to see mini me take those tentative steps into adolescence. No I didn't interfere, as I have said before, it is his life not mine, so I just observed from afar.
Mini me was dancing in the center of the floor, as only Jr. High Schoolers can. Think more like a pack mentality rather than individual couples. Yet you can start to see those first steps, cautious at first, but they were there as the boys and the girls danced around one another, yet never actually with one person.
Any how, as I was talking to a parent who was chaperoning, I notice that mini me kept having two females tying to dance strictly in front of him. I say in front because as noted earlier they aren't really dancing with one another. Now when one was in front of him, you could tell he was enjoying himself, smiling, laughing, yes even blushing. However when the other one took her place, you could tell he just wasn't as into it.
Now before you start assuming, some body type, hair, etc. So it wasn't a shallow thing. I have tried to instill into mini me that looks are nothing really important, it's the content of the character and personality which matters. Well given how he changed depending on who was in front of him, I made a mental note to poke around the edges to see what was going on.
Later in the evening after I "officially" arrived to pick him up, as we were driving home, I did the standard parent line of questioning: "Did you have fun?" "Meet any new people?" "Did you dance or play in the gym?" I like to think that I have fostered an open relationship with mini me. He can talk to me about any and every thing, and believe me he has!
Well he answered the questions which of course prompted new question, specifically the one I was waiting for, " Did you dance with any girls?" He told me a couple. I noted I saw him dancing with such and such as well as so and so. His comment took me back and made me think for several reasons. The remark was " Such and such just wants to have a boyfriend, and I want none of that."
Now my first reaction was wow! Smart kid but it got me thinking, what does it say of our society that a tweener is desperate to be in a relationship? Kids really are growing up fast these days. Mini me's answer shows how he is growing up and learning.
We talked more, about little things, important things and the ilk. As we talked I got more insight into how he thinks. I am starting to believe he is wise beyond his years. You see his reasoning can be boiled down to " any one who is desperate enough for a relationship, isn't comfortable with themselves."
I think what I am attempting to teach him is rubbing off: Be true to who and what you are. What I need to teach him though is not everyone is perfect. Not he, not I, not the one he was really enjoying dancing near. The secret, I think, is to learn to accept the imperfections, to realize that the imperfections make us who we are. To run away because of another's imperfections I tend to opine is because we cannot accept our own.
In a real sense, our imperfections are labeled as imperfections, when in fact they make us perfectly us. They are who we are.
Any how, supper was a slow cooked roast in the crock pot. Great for the crappy weather. I seared the roast on all sides, added some broth, rough cut carrots and onions, as well as some black beans. Half way through I added some chili adobo for some spiciness and then cooked for a couple more hours. I then served with some rice to which I had added a pepperjack cheese sause to.
Right now I am really diggin Mumford and son, so musically tonight it's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KkUeRPjc-Y&feature=fvwrel
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Cleaning out and Starting Anew
Today was a long, hard day. Mini me and I spent a few hours going through things of his mother's from hospice. You know the little stuffed animals he got her, or the character themed teddy bears he got her for special occasions. All told it was a cathartic experience, but mini me handled it well.
There were somethings he wants to keep. To put in a memory box so that he can remember his mom. The other things we decided we will take to a homeless shelter for families. Perhaps the joy his mom obtained from receiving can be continued through other families less fortunate than my own.
It got me thinking though, we all go through cathartic events which require us to examine life, clean out the negative influences and start anew. It's never an easy thing though, the letting go of the past. Partly because the past defines who we are. More importantly though, it's because there is so much tied into it: our hopes, dreams, aspirations, fears, regrets and the ilk.
Perhaps the hardest part is is looking back and seeing those we thought close to us, were in fact little more than a negative influence. To be sure there are good memories which come to mind when we think of them, but on the whole, the influence was negative. By negative I take it to mean, they did not help us to become a better person. Aren't our true friends the ones who make us better? Who understand us and the why's and how's of our though processes?
Sorting through these myriad issues can be difficult in the best of times. Add in mini me and it's a variable which must be considered. I can honestly state though, he teaches me more than I teach him. His resilience is something of which I am envious.
Most importantly though, today taught me that the past is the past. We need to let it go in order to move forward. Life does not have a reverse gear in it.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Meet the Foackers!
well ok, we all get the allusion to the movie, so let us just dispense with that. It's "Back to School Night" for mini me, and this is always a tough exercise.This is the first year where I don't have to explain his mother is in hospice, so not quite sure how this will go over.
Let me get one this straight, but Foackers, I am not referring to the teachers. I actually feel for them. They have to teach under withering constraints, trying to get the children to regurgitate information based on an unfunded mandate, No Child Left Behind. Then again, let's face reality, a teacher has to put on the airs and say "Yes your child is delight, and I look forward to working with him/her" No parent is going to react in a positive fashion to being told their kid is special. Any who says to the contrary is trying to sell you something. I readily admit, the foibles mini me has, he has learned from me. I am just attempting to make sure he does not make the mistakes I made.
No by Foackers, I am referring to the dearth of fathers at these events. I know my situation is outside the norm,but come'on Dads, testicle up and take a more active part in your child's life than a simple game of catch! There are times when I swear it feels I am at a Regional Convention of Stay at Home Moms & Soccer Moms Convention.
It seems the only time I see fathers at these events are when it is "Career Day" or a school dance and Daddy's little Princess needs to be chaperoned from afar. What does it teach our kids that we cannot spend the time to meet their teachers? To sit and help with homework? Forget "Take Your Kids to Work Day" let us have a "Take Your Parents to Field Day" at school.
To be sure, we live in a rapidly changing time, and change is the most resisted concept we come across. We all like our ruts, no matter how much we may complain. It's a comfortable blanket we wear around us because we don't want to face newness. We worry if our kids are being raised to avoid stereotypes. Hell I know parents who's children are in elementary school and they are already worried about "collegiate resumes". WTH! You're child is 9, let the child be a child!
No the worst part of Meet the Foackers, is the condescending look of pity I get from the mothers. I hate it. It's a look which says " Oh poor him" In reality, the nonverbalized sentiment is " Thank God I don't have his life." Truth be told, I love my life. I've met some great people whom I call friends, who are as dear to me, if not more so than some of my family. I won't say there are some who haven't been a negative influence because at the very least, I learned from them.
No Meet the Foackers is not an enjoyable experience, not because of the teachers, but because things could be so much better. Take time and enjoy your child, in no time at all, they will be gone and you'll be left. There is a word, vivify, it means to enliven, brighten or sharpen. Mini-me truly vivifies me for without him, life would be nothing more than periods of time between sleep.
Let me get one this straight, but Foackers, I am not referring to the teachers. I actually feel for them. They have to teach under withering constraints, trying to get the children to regurgitate information based on an unfunded mandate, No Child Left Behind. Then again, let's face reality, a teacher has to put on the airs and say "Yes your child is delight, and I look forward to working with him/her" No parent is going to react in a positive fashion to being told their kid is special. Any who says to the contrary is trying to sell you something. I readily admit, the foibles mini me has, he has learned from me. I am just attempting to make sure he does not make the mistakes I made.
No by Foackers, I am referring to the dearth of fathers at these events. I know my situation is outside the norm,but come'on Dads, testicle up and take a more active part in your child's life than a simple game of catch! There are times when I swear it feels I am at a Regional Convention of Stay at Home Moms & Soccer Moms Convention.
It seems the only time I see fathers at these events are when it is "Career Day" or a school dance and Daddy's little Princess needs to be chaperoned from afar. What does it teach our kids that we cannot spend the time to meet their teachers? To sit and help with homework? Forget "Take Your Kids to Work Day" let us have a "Take Your Parents to Field Day" at school.
To be sure, we live in a rapidly changing time, and change is the most resisted concept we come across. We all like our ruts, no matter how much we may complain. It's a comfortable blanket we wear around us because we don't want to face newness. We worry if our kids are being raised to avoid stereotypes. Hell I know parents who's children are in elementary school and they are already worried about "collegiate resumes". WTH! You're child is 9, let the child be a child!
No the worst part of Meet the Foackers, is the condescending look of pity I get from the mothers. I hate it. It's a look which says " Oh poor him" In reality, the nonverbalized sentiment is " Thank God I don't have his life." Truth be told, I love my life. I've met some great people whom I call friends, who are as dear to me, if not more so than some of my family. I won't say there are some who haven't been a negative influence because at the very least, I learned from them.
No Meet the Foackers is not an enjoyable experience, not because of the teachers, but because things could be so much better. Take time and enjoy your child, in no time at all, they will be gone and you'll be left. There is a word, vivify, it means to enliven, brighten or sharpen. Mini-me truly vivifies me for without him, life would be nothing more than periods of time between sleep.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Slowdown Sundays
Sundays are so hard!
They were THE DAY. The day when, for the past 7 years, I took mini-me to visit his mom and the long-term care/hospice facility she was in. They would talk, eat together. He would read to her. It was truly a delight to be a part of, to watch a son and mother connect. Now, 4 months later, I am still lost at what to do.
Perhaps we might do some hiking. Or hit a farmers' market. I need to get some 'maters, want to make some grilled Naan bread pizza. Mini-me loves it! Also it is a good way introduce him to new forms of cooking. I find it's my obligation to raise him to be independent, honest and to act with integrity. To make sure he treats others as he would want to be treated. That if others treat him detrimentally, that doesn't mean he should reciprocate, but to just not bother with them. Small people treat people horrifically, if for no other reason, than they wish for others to feel as they do.
Or I could become a domestic god, but who am I kidding. I have too much testosterone in me. LOL. Actually all things considered, I am not doing too bad. Just have laundry and some secondary cleaning to do. Ok, ok, in all honesty, I have lots of primary cleaning to do as well but nothing I cannot handle. Hard part comes in a week or two when I need to steam the carpets.
As it is Sunday, it generally tends to be an acoustic type music day. Music is melodic poetry set to sound. It is, to me, the spontaneous outpouring of emotions into written form. The songs that stick with me most are the ones were the lyrics hit a chord, no pun intended, and the vocal abilities are amazing. Along that line, today's song is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgFQ6WmxdMs Shinedown's cover of Lyrnrd Skynrd's "Simple Man"
They were THE DAY. The day when, for the past 7 years, I took mini-me to visit his mom and the long-term care/hospice facility she was in. They would talk, eat together. He would read to her. It was truly a delight to be a part of, to watch a son and mother connect. Now, 4 months later, I am still lost at what to do.
Perhaps we might do some hiking. Or hit a farmers' market. I need to get some 'maters, want to make some grilled Naan bread pizza. Mini-me loves it! Also it is a good way introduce him to new forms of cooking. I find it's my obligation to raise him to be independent, honest and to act with integrity. To make sure he treats others as he would want to be treated. That if others treat him detrimentally, that doesn't mean he should reciprocate, but to just not bother with them. Small people treat people horrifically, if for no other reason, than they wish for others to feel as they do.
Or I could become a domestic god, but who am I kidding. I have too much testosterone in me. LOL. Actually all things considered, I am not doing too bad. Just have laundry and some secondary cleaning to do. Ok, ok, in all honesty, I have lots of primary cleaning to do as well but nothing I cannot handle. Hard part comes in a week or two when I need to steam the carpets.
As it is Sunday, it generally tends to be an acoustic type music day. Music is melodic poetry set to sound. It is, to me, the spontaneous outpouring of emotions into written form. The songs that stick with me most are the ones were the lyrics hit a chord, no pun intended, and the vocal abilities are amazing. Along that line, today's song is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgFQ6WmxdMs Shinedown's cover of Lyrnrd Skynrd's "Simple Man"
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Where to start
Where to start?
I am one of those guys who is as comfortable sitting at home with his son as he is out in the middle of nowhere with this son. Actually I prefer both places. Not into the bar scene per se, though I do love a good beer. Right now it's a PranQster by the North Coast Brewing Company.
For the past twelve years I acted as both mother and father to a son who is now a tweener. Side note: When did he get so big?! As his mother battled multiple sclerosis. I placed the formation of, and fostering of the relationship they had at the forefront of everything.
I am attempting to get back into the social scene. First foray was a miserable failure for reasons which still make no sense whatsoever, but such is life. her loss, not mine. Though I think in the end I may lose a friend out of it. We'll see.
Right now I am in a blues/rock type of mood when it comes to music. Right now it is : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOkWCJilkwo
It is a great time of year as the start of college football signals the arrival of Fall, by far my favorite season. I love the foliage and the crispness of the morning air. It also gets us closer to the holidays which is a great time to be a parent.
I will try to do this weekly but no promises. Leave a comment or what not.
I am one of those guys who is as comfortable sitting at home with his son as he is out in the middle of nowhere with this son. Actually I prefer both places. Not into the bar scene per se, though I do love a good beer. Right now it's a PranQster by the North Coast Brewing Company.
For the past twelve years I acted as both mother and father to a son who is now a tweener. Side note: When did he get so big?! As his mother battled multiple sclerosis. I placed the formation of, and fostering of the relationship they had at the forefront of everything.
I am attempting to get back into the social scene. First foray was a miserable failure for reasons which still make no sense whatsoever, but such is life. her loss, not mine. Though I think in the end I may lose a friend out of it. We'll see.
Right now I am in a blues/rock type of mood when it comes to music. Right now it is : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOkWCJilkwo
It is a great time of year as the start of college football signals the arrival of Fall, by far my favorite season. I love the foliage and the crispness of the morning air. It also gets us closer to the holidays which is a great time to be a parent.
I will try to do this weekly but no promises. Leave a comment or what not.
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