Well it is the end of the year. So much has happened. Well, I started this online journal/blog, what have you. Honestly, I don't know what I started it. Perhaps because I needed to vent on life, perhaps to find those idiosyncrasies that comes with raising a tweener alone. Well truly alone now.
On Twitter right now, a trending hashtag is #2011in4words. I think my tweet would be "What A F**king YEAR!" As I have written about before, Mini-me's mom passed away after a prolonged battle with multiple sclerosis. That was the defining moment of the year for my household. As a result we both meandered aimlessly for some time.Needless to say it has been rough, but mini-me and I have come out the other side stronger and have forged an even closer bond, if that is possible.
In a real sense, it was extremely cathartic. My schedule was set: work, eat, take mini me to visit his mom, repeat daily. That is gone. And while I am deeply saddened, it affords a new found freedom that is difficult to adjust to. But the New Year brings new hopes, new dreams and a fresh start, no?
Personally it has been an up and down year. I found out who my true friends were. I also learned that there are those who professed friendship but were anything but. It's funny, these same people think I hate them. Really don't have time to hate. Seriously, why give them that power over me? In a very real sense, I am completely indifferent to their ability breathe.
Conversely there are those whom I have met that uplifted me in my darkest times. My gratitude to them is without end. Thanks for allowing to rant, vent, and to just talk. They know who they are. All I can say, is you have a true friend, and I promise to be there when you are in need.
If I had to offer a mea culpa it would be this: I've always explained that I was a single parent with a twist. The twist being that I had promised mini me and his mom they would never be more than 90 miles apart; they would be together for the holidays and important dates; and lastly, she would have input on activities, etc. Some may say it was an onerous promise. Dating was nonexistent, or if it was, none fully understood my commitment to that promise. For that I am sincerely apologetic.
The holidays as a result have been rather subdued. We talked, we played video games - yes I won of course ( Old age and treachery always defeats youth and exuberance) . He got me some cook books and a couple CD's. He in turn was able to set his room up and decorate it as he sees fit. He did remarkably well in this after giving it much consideration.
For 2012 I plan on being the best father I can be. This does not mean that I will be a guard dog watching over mini-me's every move. I think that is counterproductive. It just means I will let him make the mistakes he needs to learn from, to prevent the mistakes he doesn't need to make, and to always be the supportive figure he can look up to and hopefully learn from my mistakes.
Side notes, I have some ideas bouncing around in my head. Some arrived via their own volition. Others were suggestions of friends. One is to get back to working on this historical monograph I have had on a side burner for a few years ( yes, I am a history geek, get over it!). Another is a novel of sorts. Just something which popped into my mind. As always though, Mini-me comes first.
As 2011 rapidly recedes in the rearview mirror, and 2012 approaches, I am fully cognizant of what lies before me. The path won't be easy, then again an easy life isn't lived. Who wants that? No I look forward, looking to the past for guidance.
Dinner tonight was a Thai dish I attempted for the first time. I sauteed chicken and garlic, added some bok choy, shitake mushrooms, bean sprouts, onions and some red peppers. Covered it with a vegetable stock I had integrated some creamy peanut butter - Yes! Peanut butter! - and green curry paste. Added in some chili peppers and served it over rice. Was quite tasty!
Music for the night is Band of Skulls " I know what I am" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7G3h17i6xEM
