Well Summer is winding down. Have to say it's been rather uneventful. Mini-me went to Florida for the Summer and did so many things that I wish I were a kid again. He learned to scuba dive, snorkel. He also went deep sea fishing..and what is a trip to Florida without spending an inordinate amount of time at the House of Mouse..aka Disneyworld..
I on the other hand, worked myself to death. In a real sense, having mini-me home is a godsend. All work and no play makes Dad miserable. When mini-me got back..I was surprised at not only the physical growth which happened in 2 short months, but the intellectual growth as well.
As I noted earlier, I am a history geek ( you still need to get over it!) and I used to love political season. Think about it for a second...it's a blood sport. It's a net-zero game which has devolved into war where one side "has to win" only if the other side loses. In reality, all sides lose.
I've always believed that the most basic fundamentals of government is that people basically want to be left alone to live their life. Having said that however, I see one side which wants to dictate how corporations conduct themselves, and, on the other, how people live their life...this gets me back to mini-me's intellectual growth.
We were talking the other day and he asked me what I disliked about the decades I have lived in...80's: Big Hair, 90's: the embryonic stage of rigidity, 00's: the hatred by and against everyone..and lastly,10's the wholesale adherence to ideological rigidity..His response to the last was.."That's stupid! It takes a whole lot of pride to assume that your opinion is an absolute truth" Never have I have been so proud of him.
I readily admit, I do not get along with some family members only because of politics. They are so rigid in their ideology that they seek to label others accordingly. Every day I hear from them how there is a "War on this" or "A war on that." Case in point, the brouhaha over the owner Chick-Fil-A statements on gay marriage./rights. According to family members, this is a fight over Free Speech.
Here's my take on it. 1) there are no Absolute Rights. I use the capitalized version because I seek to make a point..rights are not God-given. We were not born with the right to unequivocally be right. We protect those rights when we allow a minority to express an opinion which is diametrically opposite our one.
My second point is perhaps the most important..speech, like actions, have consequences. A person can express whichever opinion they like, if they are so inclined. But they have to remember that there are consequences. Need I remind people of the parable of the Boy Who Cried Wolf?
Am I done with politics? No. We live in political times where even our silence is a statement. My silence on statement is that things have to change. The need to provide what I call "rube bait" needs to stop. It does our nation a great disservice that a 30 seconds sound bite is more important than actually thinking, critically about what faces us. Hatred of the other side needs to end. No "Wars on..." are taking place, insofar as no " they are taking away our rights" The more one believes these accusations, the more one falls for the "rube bait".
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Been a minute
It's been several months. Life has returned to the pattern of father son. By that I mean, work, chillin with mini-me, repeat. Good News I am under a pack of cigarettes a day. Bad news, I am now addicted to breath mints.
Mini-me and I made it through the year of firsts since his mother's passing. We had a private ceremony to remember. I had a really nice "Memory Box" made. My thinking is that in it, we'll put those things for him to remember her. Yet also it will serve as a repository of moments of his life they could not share together. I hope it will become something he'll treasure for the rest of his life.
Other than that, nothing has really been going on of importance. We survived the year of firsts. He survived school. Given that it had been several years since he had seen family, and after talking with family..he has gone to visit them for the vast majority of the Summer.
On one hand I get a vacation, on the other hand, and don't ever tell him this, I do miss him. Having said that however, I have started the necessary clean up this new start requires. This part was something which best be done alone.
I'll be back to writing on this, more than likely on a weekly basis. Perhaps I will throw in some politics..it is the Presidential season after all. I am hesitant to do that though as one always tends to come across those "True Believers" with whom having anything remotely resembling an intelligent conversation is rendered moot. Sadly though, I think I am related to a lot of those, on both sides of the political spectrum. We'll see though.
Haven't cooked in the last week or so as I went from the ER to bed rest. Hell of a way to spend Summer with mini-me gone for 6 months huh? Although right before that I did make a nice blackened salmon I served with some dirty rice.
I've got some ideas for more cooking. Getting into some claypot cooking, and more international cuisine. We'll see where it goes.
Mini-me and I made it through the year of firsts since his mother's passing. We had a private ceremony to remember. I had a really nice "Memory Box" made. My thinking is that in it, we'll put those things for him to remember her. Yet also it will serve as a repository of moments of his life they could not share together. I hope it will become something he'll treasure for the rest of his life.
Other than that, nothing has really been going on of importance. We survived the year of firsts. He survived school. Given that it had been several years since he had seen family, and after talking with family..he has gone to visit them for the vast majority of the Summer.
On one hand I get a vacation, on the other hand, and don't ever tell him this, I do miss him. Having said that however, I have started the necessary clean up this new start requires. This part was something which best be done alone.
I'll be back to writing on this, more than likely on a weekly basis. Perhaps I will throw in some politics..it is the Presidential season after all. I am hesitant to do that though as one always tends to come across those "True Believers" with whom having anything remotely resembling an intelligent conversation is rendered moot. Sadly though, I think I am related to a lot of those, on both sides of the political spectrum. We'll see though.
Haven't cooked in the last week or so as I went from the ER to bed rest. Hell of a way to spend Summer with mini-me gone for 6 months huh? Although right before that I did make a nice blackened salmon I served with some dirty rice.
I've got some ideas for more cooking. Getting into some claypot cooking, and more international cuisine. We'll see where it goes.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Holiday Thoughts
Well it is the end of the year. So much has happened. Well, I started this online journal/blog, what have you. Honestly, I don't know what I started it. Perhaps because I needed to vent on life, perhaps to find those idiosyncrasies that comes with raising a tweener alone. Well truly alone now.
On Twitter right now, a trending hashtag is #2011in4words. I think my tweet would be "What A F**king YEAR!" As I have written about before, Mini-me's mom passed away after a prolonged battle with multiple sclerosis. That was the defining moment of the year for my household. As a result we both meandered aimlessly for some time.Needless to say it has been rough, but mini-me and I have come out the other side stronger and have forged an even closer bond, if that is possible.
In a real sense, it was extremely cathartic. My schedule was set: work, eat, take mini me to visit his mom, repeat daily. That is gone. And while I am deeply saddened, it affords a new found freedom that is difficult to adjust to. But the New Year brings new hopes, new dreams and a fresh start, no?
Personally it has been an up and down year. I found out who my true friends were. I also learned that there are those who professed friendship but were anything but. It's funny, these same people think I hate them. Really don't have time to hate. Seriously, why give them that power over me? In a very real sense, I am completely indifferent to their ability breathe.
Conversely there are those whom I have met that uplifted me in my darkest times. My gratitude to them is without end. Thanks for allowing to rant, vent, and to just talk. They know who they are. All I can say, is you have a true friend, and I promise to be there when you are in need.
If I had to offer a mea culpa it would be this: I've always explained that I was a single parent with a twist. The twist being that I had promised mini me and his mom they would never be more than 90 miles apart; they would be together for the holidays and important dates; and lastly, she would have input on activities, etc. Some may say it was an onerous promise. Dating was nonexistent, or if it was, none fully understood my commitment to that promise. For that I am sincerely apologetic.
The holidays as a result have been rather subdued. We talked, we played video games - yes I won of course ( Old age and treachery always defeats youth and exuberance) . He got me some cook books and a couple CD's. He in turn was able to set his room up and decorate it as he sees fit. He did remarkably well in this after giving it much consideration.
For 2012 I plan on being the best father I can be. This does not mean that I will be a guard dog watching over mini-me's every move. I think that is counterproductive. It just means I will let him make the mistakes he needs to learn from, to prevent the mistakes he doesn't need to make, and to always be the supportive figure he can look up to and hopefully learn from my mistakes.
Side notes, I have some ideas bouncing around in my head. Some arrived via their own volition. Others were suggestions of friends. One is to get back to working on this historical monograph I have had on a side burner for a few years ( yes, I am a history geek, get over it!). Another is a novel of sorts. Just something which popped into my mind. As always though, Mini-me comes first.
As 2011 rapidly recedes in the rearview mirror, and 2012 approaches, I am fully cognizant of what lies before me. The path won't be easy, then again an easy life isn't lived. Who wants that? No I look forward, looking to the past for guidance.
Dinner tonight was a Thai dish I attempted for the first time. I sauteed chicken and garlic, added some bok choy, shitake mushrooms, bean sprouts, onions and some red peppers. Covered it with a vegetable stock I had integrated some creamy peanut butter - Yes! Peanut butter! - and green curry paste. Added in some chili peppers and served it over rice. Was quite tasty!
Music for the night is Band of Skulls " I know what I am" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7G3h17i6xEM
On Twitter right now, a trending hashtag is #2011in4words. I think my tweet would be "What A F**king YEAR!" As I have written about before, Mini-me's mom passed away after a prolonged battle with multiple sclerosis. That was the defining moment of the year for my household. As a result we both meandered aimlessly for some time.Needless to say it has been rough, but mini-me and I have come out the other side stronger and have forged an even closer bond, if that is possible.
In a real sense, it was extremely cathartic. My schedule was set: work, eat, take mini me to visit his mom, repeat daily. That is gone. And while I am deeply saddened, it affords a new found freedom that is difficult to adjust to. But the New Year brings new hopes, new dreams and a fresh start, no?
Personally it has been an up and down year. I found out who my true friends were. I also learned that there are those who professed friendship but were anything but. It's funny, these same people think I hate them. Really don't have time to hate. Seriously, why give them that power over me? In a very real sense, I am completely indifferent to their ability breathe.
Conversely there are those whom I have met that uplifted me in my darkest times. My gratitude to them is without end. Thanks for allowing to rant, vent, and to just talk. They know who they are. All I can say, is you have a true friend, and I promise to be there when you are in need.
If I had to offer a mea culpa it would be this: I've always explained that I was a single parent with a twist. The twist being that I had promised mini me and his mom they would never be more than 90 miles apart; they would be together for the holidays and important dates; and lastly, she would have input on activities, etc. Some may say it was an onerous promise. Dating was nonexistent, or if it was, none fully understood my commitment to that promise. For that I am sincerely apologetic.
The holidays as a result have been rather subdued. We talked, we played video games - yes I won of course ( Old age and treachery always defeats youth and exuberance) . He got me some cook books and a couple CD's. He in turn was able to set his room up and decorate it as he sees fit. He did remarkably well in this after giving it much consideration.
For 2012 I plan on being the best father I can be. This does not mean that I will be a guard dog watching over mini-me's every move. I think that is counterproductive. It just means I will let him make the mistakes he needs to learn from, to prevent the mistakes he doesn't need to make, and to always be the supportive figure he can look up to and hopefully learn from my mistakes.
Side notes, I have some ideas bouncing around in my head. Some arrived via their own volition. Others were suggestions of friends. One is to get back to working on this historical monograph I have had on a side burner for a few years ( yes, I am a history geek, get over it!). Another is a novel of sorts. Just something which popped into my mind. As always though, Mini-me comes first.
As 2011 rapidly recedes in the rearview mirror, and 2012 approaches, I am fully cognizant of what lies before me. The path won't be easy, then again an easy life isn't lived. Who wants that? No I look forward, looking to the past for guidance.
Dinner tonight was a Thai dish I attempted for the first time. I sauteed chicken and garlic, added some bok choy, shitake mushrooms, bean sprouts, onions and some red peppers. Covered it with a vegetable stock I had integrated some creamy peanut butter - Yes! Peanut butter! - and green curry paste. Added in some chili peppers and served it over rice. Was quite tasty!
Music for the night is Band of Skulls " I know what I am" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7G3h17i6xEM
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Football, food, family, fun and crazy Christmas consumers. yes it's the holidays!
Well it's been a several weeks since I last posted to this journal, blog, whatever you wish to call it. Thanksgiving has come and gone, Black Friday, and its insanity has luckily come and gone as well. One of the traditions mini me and I have, and I am sure families throughout the nation have the same tradition, of saying what we are thankful for.
So here is what I give thanks for:
My father: for teaching me a man is only as good as the word he gives.
My family: for knowing some journeys need to be done alone
Mini-me's mom: for showing me that dignity and poise in the face of a terrible disease
My friends: for being supportive and understanding
Lastly, and most importantly
Mini me: because of what he is thankful for. As we sat to have dinner, he was thankful because he was able to get to know his mother. For those who don't know, his mother passed away recently after a prolonged battle with multiple sclerosis. It is a terrible disease and throughout it all, I made sure he and her had a relationship. For him to say what he said, made everything worthwhile.
The last few weeks since my last post haven't changed my mood though. I still cannot get into the holiday spirit. Given the last eight months, it is understandable. I am sure I will get in the mood, or at least fake it enough so that mini me is happy. I think one of the reasons is because it appears the holiday season had descended into little more than crass commercialization and consumerism. Witness the scene in CA where the lady pepper sprayed a crowd to get what by all accounts was a video game.
No the holidays aren't want they used to be anymore for me. It is about family, friends, fun and laughter. Watching football on Thanksgiving. Sharing stories and good food both Thanksgiving and throughout the holiday season. Which brings me to a point. As a child, I remember watching the annual football games that Dallas and Detroit hosted.
Not once did I have to sit through a Viagra/Cialis commercial. Why then now? It is a big let down when in the middle of a relaxing day, I have to explain to my son what bad - though some would say good - could be derived from a pharmaceutically induced 4-hours erection. Seriously, what the hell! The only saving grace was I was explaining to my son. If he were a she, I shudder to think the way that talk would have gone.
So the holidays then in this household are going to be a very low key affair. Not somber just low key. Who knows, perhaps we'll spend the day watching "It's A Wonderful Life" or " A Christmas Story" At least then I won't have to worry about programming that denounces a nano-second nipple shot but allows for 5 minutes of programming every hour based on sexual dysfunction, if only because the latter makes someone a dime.
So here is what I give thanks for:
My father: for teaching me a man is only as good as the word he gives.
My family: for knowing some journeys need to be done alone
Mini-me's mom: for showing me that dignity and poise in the face of a terrible disease
My friends: for being supportive and understanding
Lastly, and most importantly
Mini me: because of what he is thankful for. As we sat to have dinner, he was thankful because he was able to get to know his mother. For those who don't know, his mother passed away recently after a prolonged battle with multiple sclerosis. It is a terrible disease and throughout it all, I made sure he and her had a relationship. For him to say what he said, made everything worthwhile.
The last few weeks since my last post haven't changed my mood though. I still cannot get into the holiday spirit. Given the last eight months, it is understandable. I am sure I will get in the mood, or at least fake it enough so that mini me is happy. I think one of the reasons is because it appears the holiday season had descended into little more than crass commercialization and consumerism. Witness the scene in CA where the lady pepper sprayed a crowd to get what by all accounts was a video game.
No the holidays aren't want they used to be anymore for me. It is about family, friends, fun and laughter. Watching football on Thanksgiving. Sharing stories and good food both Thanksgiving and throughout the holiday season. Which brings me to a point. As a child, I remember watching the annual football games that Dallas and Detroit hosted.
Not once did I have to sit through a Viagra/Cialis commercial. Why then now? It is a big let down when in the middle of a relaxing day, I have to explain to my son what bad - though some would say good - could be derived from a pharmaceutically induced 4-hours erection. Seriously, what the hell! The only saving grace was I was explaining to my son. If he were a she, I shudder to think the way that talk would have gone.
So the holidays then in this household are going to be a very low key affair. Not somber just low key. Who knows, perhaps we'll spend the day watching "It's A Wonderful Life" or " A Christmas Story" At least then I won't have to worry about programming that denounces a nano-second nipple shot but allows for 5 minutes of programming every hour based on sexual dysfunction, if only because the latter makes someone a dime.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Routines
So it's been a while. Looking at what I have posted, about 2 weeks. Forgive my lapses. It has been interesting to say the least. Being sick recently really upsets the routines I have set up. Or rather the routines foisted upon me: sleep, work, dad obligations: repeat daily.
Actually the routines aren't that bad. Given the last decade or so, I had become comfortable in that rut. But it's that time of year when I was able to step out of that rut and created surprises around the holidays. I like to think I knew what the holidays were about: family, fun, laughter, that crazy drunk uncle, etc, but ever since mini me came along, it has changed. It's become about getting him that gift that screams "this is perfect." Therein lies the surprises I so loved.
Now the surprises I am talking about were all geared towards making sure mini me and his mom had the best of relationships given her condition. Actually used a line to describe these surprises: "His mom got him the cool stuff, I got him socks and underwear." It was really cool to see both their eyes light up Christmas morning. I had it arranged with the place she was at that the gifts would be there Christmas morning, so that I was absolved of any involvement in his eyes. To mini-me, his mom possessed some magical quality that she just knew what he wanted.
I don't have that anymore and to be frank, I don't know what to do. It was suggested that I have a package delivered from his mom, or talk to the hospice she was at and have one there and they would call him. But I don't know about that. The last decade has been rough, and as much as I want him to remember his mom, I think he needs closure. So I really don't know how to go about doing Christmas this year. Oh I am sure he'll get something cool. Probably a TV for his room so I can liberate my living room from the game consoles.
It just seems different though. I guess you can say empty. Should I chalk this up to "the firsts," but it is more than that. More like, I cannot get into the spirit so to speak. Normally this time of year I have already shopped for those surprises, or in one instance, I was able to arrange it to get her out of her hospice and see one of his school's holiday concerts - that was still the best gift of all. All he used to say when asked was "my mom is sick." That night though, my efforts paid off. Mini me took his mom around, with his school principal and gave her a grand tour of his school, showing her every classroom he had ever been in, introducing her to every teacher he had ever had. As high as that night was emotionally, this year is just flat lining.
I don't know though. Perhaps the holiday surprise will be a trip to some ski slopes. I think a change of scenery for this first holiday may be best. We'll see where the next month takes me.
On a side note, I was able to get out into the social scene. Don't know what to make of it yet. But had a great time hiking through the nation's capital. It was interesting to show some sights, a couple museums which are part of the Smithsonian complex, the Washington Monument, Arlington National Cemetery and the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldiers. Wish I could have shown more, but there is never enough time in the weekend to see all that DC has to offer.
Recipe of this post: I took a beef roast and pan seared it to just brown on all sides. Threw it in the crock pot with onions, black beans and some chili adobo for about 6 hrs. Then I pulled the roast apart and we had burritos with home made salsa and rice. A really good meal. I'll need to remember that next time I do the roast. Perhaps that would be good for leftovers. Then again with mini me going through growth spurts nonstop, what are leftovers.
Until next time, keep safe and keep smiling
Actually the routines aren't that bad. Given the last decade or so, I had become comfortable in that rut. But it's that time of year when I was able to step out of that rut and created surprises around the holidays. I like to think I knew what the holidays were about: family, fun, laughter, that crazy drunk uncle, etc, but ever since mini me came along, it has changed. It's become about getting him that gift that screams "this is perfect." Therein lies the surprises I so loved.
Now the surprises I am talking about were all geared towards making sure mini me and his mom had the best of relationships given her condition. Actually used a line to describe these surprises: "His mom got him the cool stuff, I got him socks and underwear." It was really cool to see both their eyes light up Christmas morning. I had it arranged with the place she was at that the gifts would be there Christmas morning, so that I was absolved of any involvement in his eyes. To mini-me, his mom possessed some magical quality that she just knew what he wanted.
I don't have that anymore and to be frank, I don't know what to do. It was suggested that I have a package delivered from his mom, or talk to the hospice she was at and have one there and they would call him. But I don't know about that. The last decade has been rough, and as much as I want him to remember his mom, I think he needs closure. So I really don't know how to go about doing Christmas this year. Oh I am sure he'll get something cool. Probably a TV for his room so I can liberate my living room from the game consoles.
It just seems different though. I guess you can say empty. Should I chalk this up to "the firsts," but it is more than that. More like, I cannot get into the spirit so to speak. Normally this time of year I have already shopped for those surprises, or in one instance, I was able to arrange it to get her out of her hospice and see one of his school's holiday concerts - that was still the best gift of all. All he used to say when asked was "my mom is sick." That night though, my efforts paid off. Mini me took his mom around, with his school principal and gave her a grand tour of his school, showing her every classroom he had ever been in, introducing her to every teacher he had ever had. As high as that night was emotionally, this year is just flat lining.
I don't know though. Perhaps the holiday surprise will be a trip to some ski slopes. I think a change of scenery for this first holiday may be best. We'll see where the next month takes me.
On a side note, I was able to get out into the social scene. Don't know what to make of it yet. But had a great time hiking through the nation's capital. It was interesting to show some sights, a couple museums which are part of the Smithsonian complex, the Washington Monument, Arlington National Cemetery and the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldiers. Wish I could have shown more, but there is never enough time in the weekend to see all that DC has to offer.
Recipe of this post: I took a beef roast and pan seared it to just brown on all sides. Threw it in the crock pot with onions, black beans and some chili adobo for about 6 hrs. Then I pulled the roast apart and we had burritos with home made salsa and rice. A really good meal. I'll need to remember that next time I do the roast. Perhaps that would be good for leftovers. Then again with mini me going through growth spurts nonstop, what are leftovers.
Until next time, keep safe and keep smiling
Monday, October 31, 2011
Tying One on With a Mask
Happy Halloween All! Or Samhain if you'r Wiccan.
It's been a rough few days. Been sick as hell lately, but you know, the parent's work is never done. Makes me think of a bit I saw from John Leguizamo a few years ago. Basically the gist was " Being a single parent means, always stressed, always broke and always incapable of getting a date." The first two I can agree with, the last, really doesn't matter. But that gets me to the point of this blog, mini me dressed for Halloween as, what can only best be described as, a dapper demented clown. He was decked out in black pants, black shirt, black vest, black hat a black tie and of course, a demented clown mask.
Perhaps it is me reflecting back on my own life, but I spent the better part of an hour teaching mini-me how to tie the tie, and in that, I think it is a rite of passage. No more of those silly clip on's. Now some may say a tie is just an accessory, which is true. On the other hand though, the ability to accessorize, to just tie that knot opens up a new world. Gone are the graphic tee's which say " Here lies student. Died too young. Bored to death." Oh ok, that is the shirt I wore in 7th grade, but that was when ...well never mind, don't wish to date myself.
No the ability to tie that knot is a sure sign of mini-me's passage from childhood, if ever there was one. Honestly though, it doesn't upset me. It doesn't upset me because of the mask, or rather how he acted once the mask went on.
To be sure, Halloween is a time to pretend we, child and adult alike, are someone or something else, but at our core, we are who we are. Our actions dictate our character. I tend to think some wear masks so often, and change them so regularly that they know not who they are.
Walter Anderson said "The first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." Being the dutiful father, I made sure that someone was with mini me and his friends as they went on their great candy hunt. The feedback I got was interesting. The parent told me that no one recognized mini-me, until his actions showed his character. Evidently he saw someone get separated from a group and helped that person catch up. When I asked about it, his response was, "it was the right thing to do"
Now I am sure mini-me doesn't really know who he is yet, but the simple fact he that it was the right thing to do shows me he is well on his way. Though he had that mask on, he was true to himself. A father couldn't ask for more.
It's been a rough few days. Been sick as hell lately, but you know, the parent's work is never done. Makes me think of a bit I saw from John Leguizamo a few years ago. Basically the gist was " Being a single parent means, always stressed, always broke and always incapable of getting a date." The first two I can agree with, the last, really doesn't matter. But that gets me to the point of this blog, mini me dressed for Halloween as, what can only best be described as, a dapper demented clown. He was decked out in black pants, black shirt, black vest, black hat a black tie and of course, a demented clown mask.
Perhaps it is me reflecting back on my own life, but I spent the better part of an hour teaching mini-me how to tie the tie, and in that, I think it is a rite of passage. No more of those silly clip on's. Now some may say a tie is just an accessory, which is true. On the other hand though, the ability to accessorize, to just tie that knot opens up a new world. Gone are the graphic tee's which say " Here lies student. Died too young. Bored to death." Oh ok, that is the shirt I wore in 7th grade, but that was when ...well never mind, don't wish to date myself.
No the ability to tie that knot is a sure sign of mini-me's passage from childhood, if ever there was one. Honestly though, it doesn't upset me. It doesn't upset me because of the mask, or rather how he acted once the mask went on.
To be sure, Halloween is a time to pretend we, child and adult alike, are someone or something else, but at our core, we are who we are. Our actions dictate our character. I tend to think some wear masks so often, and change them so regularly that they know not who they are.
Walter Anderson said "The first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." Being the dutiful father, I made sure that someone was with mini me and his friends as they went on their great candy hunt. The feedback I got was interesting. The parent told me that no one recognized mini-me, until his actions showed his character. Evidently he saw someone get separated from a group and helped that person catch up. When I asked about it, his response was, "it was the right thing to do"
Now I am sure mini-me doesn't really know who he is yet, but the simple fact he that it was the right thing to do shows me he is well on his way. Though he had that mask on, he was true to himself. A father couldn't ask for more.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Q & A with Mini Me
So it has been an interesting last few days. Evidently mini me has a crush and has been asking how to get someone to like him. My response was a question: "Do you like yourself?" Now by this I mean are you comfortable with yourself. This of course lead to more questions and a longer conversation.
The gist of the conversation was he needs to be true to himself. We all know that it does no good to anyone to be false in how they present themselves. So that part is a given. What I told him, and I know we will have more discussions on this, is to always act with personal honor and integrity. Not only towards the one he is chasing, but towards himself.
That gets me back to my question I posed to him. You see I also warned him, those who have a need to be liked, be it to be popular, or to just to be in a relationship are not the kind he needs to chase after. For that matter, it's not the kind any of us need to chase after. It's my opinion that people who are like that are only seeking validation because they are too afraid of themselves. In the end, the only result they get is to make others as miserable in life as they themselves are with themselves. So when I asked mini me if he was comfortable with himself, the gist of the question was this: can he handle being alone?
There is nothing wrong with being able to be alone with yourself. I tend to agree with the quote from Aristotle, " Knowing one's self is the first step towards achieving wisdom." Yes I paraphrased, but the gist is still the same. I would hope he never says he needs a relationship, or that he doesn't handle being alone well. Phrases such as those are sure signs, at least in my eyes, that something is amiss.
They are phrases I have never said, for I like to think I know who and what I am. An example: when mini me goes away for his functions, coworkers tend to push me to go out and party. Well the partying stage for me is long gone. Don't get me wrong, I can go out and have fun. I just don't need to. It's not like going out will fundamentally alter who I am. It could fundamentally alter my situation, true. But to change who I am as a person, or to alter the definition of what my personhood means? I think not.
Having said all that, and knowing I am not ready for this, I have resigned myself to the fact that the next few years mini me and I will be revisiting these conversations probably often. Some may read this and think I am afraid that he is growing up and would be leaving. Part of me would like for him to stay a certain age. But at the same time, I know it's important that he has the tools necessary to go through life.
The gist of the conversation was he needs to be true to himself. We all know that it does no good to anyone to be false in how they present themselves. So that part is a given. What I told him, and I know we will have more discussions on this, is to always act with personal honor and integrity. Not only towards the one he is chasing, but towards himself.
That gets me back to my question I posed to him. You see I also warned him, those who have a need to be liked, be it to be popular, or to just to be in a relationship are not the kind he needs to chase after. For that matter, it's not the kind any of us need to chase after. It's my opinion that people who are like that are only seeking validation because they are too afraid of themselves. In the end, the only result they get is to make others as miserable in life as they themselves are with themselves. So when I asked mini me if he was comfortable with himself, the gist of the question was this: can he handle being alone?
There is nothing wrong with being able to be alone with yourself. I tend to agree with the quote from Aristotle, " Knowing one's self is the first step towards achieving wisdom." Yes I paraphrased, but the gist is still the same. I would hope he never says he needs a relationship, or that he doesn't handle being alone well. Phrases such as those are sure signs, at least in my eyes, that something is amiss.
They are phrases I have never said, for I like to think I know who and what I am. An example: when mini me goes away for his functions, coworkers tend to push me to go out and party. Well the partying stage for me is long gone. Don't get me wrong, I can go out and have fun. I just don't need to. It's not like going out will fundamentally alter who I am. It could fundamentally alter my situation, true. But to change who I am as a person, or to alter the definition of what my personhood means? I think not.
Having said all that, and knowing I am not ready for this, I have resigned myself to the fact that the next few years mini me and I will be revisiting these conversations probably often. Some may read this and think I am afraid that he is growing up and would be leaving. Part of me would like for him to stay a certain age. But at the same time, I know it's important that he has the tools necessary to go through life.
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