Well it's been awhile since I last posted to this journal/blog whatever you want to call it. Life rears its ugly head at time. Well that is not entirely true. Life is what you make of it. The real reason is that I have just been enjoying the life of being a dad. Mini me and this age are refreshing. Nerve-racking at times, but refreshing nonetheless.
I think of the quote from Jim Morrison, " I think the highest and lowest points are the most important ones. Anything else is just "in between." Not really sure I agree with this at the moment though. To be sure, as I look back on my life so far, it's exactly those points that come to mind. The birth of mini me, was definitely a high point, the death of his mom, definitely a low point. But others are not so easily categorized.
For example: His first day of school. It's both good and bad. I readily admit, I had to take the day off from work for his first day. It just seemed different starting school as opposed to taking him to daycare. Perhaps the reason lies in the fact that daycare was just people watching him to make sure he didn't hurt himself or others, whereas school was the start of the process of him ultimately achieving independence after the long educational road.
While I will agree that the highs and the lows are the important parts, or at the very least, the most memorable. The last week or two has been the "in between." While we tend to remember those life markers, it's the "in between" that is the stuff of life. I'm glad mini me is here to make the "in between" meaningful.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
Personal Interactions
So the last few days have been quite interesting. Mini me got his first pimple - you'd swear the world was ending. And we had to go on yet another excursion to get him new clothes. I swear the boy is putting miracle gro on his Wheaties. The former has shown me how much he has grown as he is starting to take a keen interest in his appearance. Clothes shopping though taught me a lot.
I say it taught me a lot because of something that happened. You see, one of the places we stopped at was a Halloween Costume shop. While there a young girl, who appeared to be about mini-me's age, and her friend, walked up to him. Well one of them had like a godzilla doll and stated " I pick you." Mini me didn't even acknowledge their existence. To say I was confused is an understatement.
Well when they walked away, I asked mini me if he knew them. His response was " Oh, they are in two of my classes." Needless to say I was even more confused as mini me tends to be an extremely outgoing person,, and the one girl I distinctly remember him being friends with a couple years ago. Come to find out, mini me doesn't like these two. Says they are gossipy.
As we talked some more, and I laid out what seemed to be the GDP of Norway to get him new clothes, mini me laid out what he ignored them. Simply put he doesn't trust them. That really made me stop and think for I am the same way. Perhaps I am a tad bit more tactful as I actually wouldn't have ignored them. Perhaps I would have been extremely short and to the point ( not sweeet) but I at least would have acknowledged their existence.
Is this right that mini me has learned this from me? That I don't know. I do know that he is normally very outgoing, so his actions took me by surprise. I guess the silence speaks volumes. Perhaps the difference lies in our aspects. He is just a child, whereas I need to operate with a modicum of professionalism about 9 hours a day.
Looking back on it I can see where friendships I have had degenerated into little more than short talk necessary when I ran into a person whom I used to call friend. In a very few of those, do I actually lament the loss of that friendship. Those generally tend to be those friends I grew up with where, when I hit mini me's age, things just drifted apart.
I hope he learns to be more tactful, but I can understand his need to hold part of himself back. In the end, I think we all do.
I say it taught me a lot because of something that happened. You see, one of the places we stopped at was a Halloween Costume shop. While there a young girl, who appeared to be about mini-me's age, and her friend, walked up to him. Well one of them had like a godzilla doll and stated " I pick you." Mini me didn't even acknowledge their existence. To say I was confused is an understatement.
Well when they walked away, I asked mini me if he knew them. His response was " Oh, they are in two of my classes." Needless to say I was even more confused as mini me tends to be an extremely outgoing person,, and the one girl I distinctly remember him being friends with a couple years ago. Come to find out, mini me doesn't like these two. Says they are gossipy.
As we talked some more, and I laid out what seemed to be the GDP of Norway to get him new clothes, mini me laid out what he ignored them. Simply put he doesn't trust them. That really made me stop and think for I am the same way. Perhaps I am a tad bit more tactful as I actually wouldn't have ignored them. Perhaps I would have been extremely short and to the point ( not sweeet) but I at least would have acknowledged their existence.
Is this right that mini me has learned this from me? That I don't know. I do know that he is normally very outgoing, so his actions took me by surprise. I guess the silence speaks volumes. Perhaps the difference lies in our aspects. He is just a child, whereas I need to operate with a modicum of professionalism about 9 hours a day.
Looking back on it I can see where friendships I have had degenerated into little more than short talk necessary when I ran into a person whom I used to call friend. In a very few of those, do I actually lament the loss of that friendship. Those generally tend to be those friends I grew up with where, when I hit mini me's age, things just drifted apart.
I hope he learns to be more tactful, but I can understand his need to hold part of himself back. In the end, I think we all do.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Thinking and Apologizing
Well it's 9pm and mini me is safely in bed, dreaming, or rather having nightmares given his age, of having to return to school after a day off. This is that time of night I refer to as my "me-time." It's that time for me to reflect not only on the day but recent events.
Perhaps the most notable event as of late was mini-me's first birthday without his mother. It was difficult, I won't lie but at the same time, his friends came over and he was laughing and having fun. What more could a dad ask for?
I have a new addiction of sorts. Since I have started writing this, I have started to read other blogs. Some to get ideas, some to get much needed laughs, and yet others just because they seem of interest. I won't mention the ones I have read by name but I can narrow them down to 3 categories: humorous, informative, and self absorbed. Now personally I don't have a problem with the first two, the latter though I can do without.
The problem I have with the self absorbed blogs stem not from the fact they are self absorbed, but rather they tend to be elitist in nature. I don't need to read someone's extended discussion on what constitutes art. Nor do I need to read the random use of the $64,000 words simply because they can use them. Here's a litttle hint, seems a lot of bloggers are educated and can use those words as well, we just don't need to self justify our intellectual capacity. Additionally, do I really need to know you are trying a new work out regime?
No, I don't need these blogs. I tend to think they are screaming " Look at me, I am educated, I am important." Give me the ones which talk of men's style, or parenting, or beer. Yes I enjoy a good beer, just because I am a parent doesn't mean life has ended.
In a very real sense, this blog may be that same scream of attempts at self promotion. My only response is, not really. I could care less what others think of me. I know who I am, and what I am, so the need for self -promotion isn't necessary. I don't run from that, nor do I deny it.
You'll find that one of my dearest motto's is to thine own self to be true. So if this at any times seems self absorbed and and act of desperate recognition, then I apologize. It was never my intent.
Tonight's menu was stuffed pork chops, some over roasted sweet potatoes, and a salad.
Perhaps the most notable event as of late was mini-me's first birthday without his mother. It was difficult, I won't lie but at the same time, his friends came over and he was laughing and having fun. What more could a dad ask for?
I have a new addiction of sorts. Since I have started writing this, I have started to read other blogs. Some to get ideas, some to get much needed laughs, and yet others just because they seem of interest. I won't mention the ones I have read by name but I can narrow them down to 3 categories: humorous, informative, and self absorbed. Now personally I don't have a problem with the first two, the latter though I can do without.
The problem I have with the self absorbed blogs stem not from the fact they are self absorbed, but rather they tend to be elitist in nature. I don't need to read someone's extended discussion on what constitutes art. Nor do I need to read the random use of the $64,000 words simply because they can use them. Here's a litttle hint, seems a lot of bloggers are educated and can use those words as well, we just don't need to self justify our intellectual capacity. Additionally, do I really need to know you are trying a new work out regime?
No, I don't need these blogs. I tend to think they are screaming " Look at me, I am educated, I am important." Give me the ones which talk of men's style, or parenting, or beer. Yes I enjoy a good beer, just because I am a parent doesn't mean life has ended.
In a very real sense, this blog may be that same scream of attempts at self promotion. My only response is, not really. I could care less what others think of me. I know who I am, and what I am, so the need for self -promotion isn't necessary. I don't run from that, nor do I deny it.
You'll find that one of my dearest motto's is to thine own self to be true. So if this at any times seems self absorbed and and act of desperate recognition, then I apologize. It was never my intent.
Tonight's menu was stuffed pork chops, some over roasted sweet potatoes, and a salad.
Monday, September 26, 2011
An Open Letter to Mini Me on the Eve of His Birthday
Well Mini me, here it is, the eve of your birthday. This is a letter I have known for a while was coming. So I know exactly what I desire to say.
It's your first birthday without your mother. I kept my promise to you both. You never knew of the promise as you were still in your crib when I made it late one night. I promised I would do everything in my power to make sure you and your mother had a relationship. That promise has lasted for more than a decade, and looking back, I have no regrets.
I won't sit here and say it wasn't difficult at times. It was, but you know, more times than naught, the right things to do always tend to be the hardest. Never take the path of least resistance, Mini me, no personal growth lies down that path. Nothing but heartache and regrets will be your boon down such a path.
No Mini me, I hold no regrets now. I anchored myself in that promise, knowing full well before hand what lay ahead. To say you handled it with aplomb and dignity which far outweighed mine is an understatement of monstrous proportions. In a real sense, I need to thank you, you have been the steadying influence, and for that I can never repay you.
You have been there through the good and bad times. When I have stepped out to try and forge something and ended in failure, you were there to let me know everything would be ok. When you broke your bone, and I was worried sick, you were there to let me know bones heal. When I started to take life too serious, your prism of innocence was there to remind of the beauty in the everyday: the snowball fights followed by hot chocolate, the awe of standing 20 feet from 2 deer as we all had eyes as big as saucers. You've taught me much mini me, but most importantly, you have resurrected me.
You see mini me, prior to your birth, I was going through the motions of life. I was unfeeling to an extent. There was no pleasure in life, it was just routine of life: work, eat, sleep, play. You've changed that mini me. Every day is a new day now and for that I thank you.
We are entering a new stage now mini me. I no longer have that anchor of the promise. You have entered adolescence, and I cannot help but be proud of the young man you are becoming: thoughtful, caring, empathetic, wise beyond your years. I cannot promise you these future years will be easy, for I won't make false pretenses- there is enough of that in the world today. We'll have our disagreements. You'll think I am being overbearing at times, or that I just don't understand. Rest assured though, I too was once your age. Just know I always have your best intentions at heart. We'll weather this, as we have the last decade or so.
I do promise though, that I will always be beside you. I won't hold your hand through this, and I won't carry you, but together, we'll make it through.
Always my best Mini me
And thank you for everything
Dad
It's your first birthday without your mother. I kept my promise to you both. You never knew of the promise as you were still in your crib when I made it late one night. I promised I would do everything in my power to make sure you and your mother had a relationship. That promise has lasted for more than a decade, and looking back, I have no regrets.
I won't sit here and say it wasn't difficult at times. It was, but you know, more times than naught, the right things to do always tend to be the hardest. Never take the path of least resistance, Mini me, no personal growth lies down that path. Nothing but heartache and regrets will be your boon down such a path.
No Mini me, I hold no regrets now. I anchored myself in that promise, knowing full well before hand what lay ahead. To say you handled it with aplomb and dignity which far outweighed mine is an understatement of monstrous proportions. In a real sense, I need to thank you, you have been the steadying influence, and for that I can never repay you.
You have been there through the good and bad times. When I have stepped out to try and forge something and ended in failure, you were there to let me know everything would be ok. When you broke your bone, and I was worried sick, you were there to let me know bones heal. When I started to take life too serious, your prism of innocence was there to remind of the beauty in the everyday: the snowball fights followed by hot chocolate, the awe of standing 20 feet from 2 deer as we all had eyes as big as saucers. You've taught me much mini me, but most importantly, you have resurrected me.
You see mini me, prior to your birth, I was going through the motions of life. I was unfeeling to an extent. There was no pleasure in life, it was just routine of life: work, eat, sleep, play. You've changed that mini me. Every day is a new day now and for that I thank you.
We are entering a new stage now mini me. I no longer have that anchor of the promise. You have entered adolescence, and I cannot help but be proud of the young man you are becoming: thoughtful, caring, empathetic, wise beyond your years. I cannot promise you these future years will be easy, for I won't make false pretenses- there is enough of that in the world today. We'll have our disagreements. You'll think I am being overbearing at times, or that I just don't understand. Rest assured though, I too was once your age. Just know I always have your best intentions at heart. We'll weather this, as we have the last decade or so.
I do promise though, that I will always be beside you. I won't hold your hand through this, and I won't carry you, but together, we'll make it through.
Always my best Mini me
And thank you for everything
Dad
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Dancing with the Devil
So mini me had his first school dance of the year last night. I being the dutiful father provided the admittance fees, and some money for snacks, loaded him up, took him there and then left. I came home and did what every parent did, worried! It's in the parenting handbook, page1, right after providing unconditional love is to always worry and stress out. Trust me on this!
Well anyway after a couple hours, curiosity got the better of me and I headed down to the school. It was interesting to see mini me take those tentative steps into adolescence. No I didn't interfere, as I have said before, it is his life not mine, so I just observed from afar.
Mini me was dancing in the center of the floor, as only Jr. High Schoolers can. Think more like a pack mentality rather than individual couples. Yet you can start to see those first steps, cautious at first, but they were there as the boys and the girls danced around one another, yet never actually with one person.
Any how, as I was talking to a parent who was chaperoning, I notice that mini me kept having two females tying to dance strictly in front of him. I say in front because as noted earlier they aren't really dancing with one another. Now when one was in front of him, you could tell he was enjoying himself, smiling, laughing, yes even blushing. However when the other one took her place, you could tell he just wasn't as into it.
Now before you start assuming, some body type, hair, etc. So it wasn't a shallow thing. I have tried to instill into mini me that looks are nothing really important, it's the content of the character and personality which matters. Well given how he changed depending on who was in front of him, I made a mental note to poke around the edges to see what was going on.
Later in the evening after I "officially" arrived to pick him up, as we were driving home, I did the standard parent line of questioning: "Did you have fun?" "Meet any new people?" "Did you dance or play in the gym?" I like to think that I have fostered an open relationship with mini me. He can talk to me about any and every thing, and believe me he has!
Well he answered the questions which of course prompted new question, specifically the one I was waiting for, " Did you dance with any girls?" He told me a couple. I noted I saw him dancing with such and such as well as so and so. His comment took me back and made me think for several reasons. The remark was " Such and such just wants to have a boyfriend, and I want none of that."
Now my first reaction was wow! Smart kid but it got me thinking, what does it say of our society that a tweener is desperate to be in a relationship? Kids really are growing up fast these days. Mini me's answer shows how he is growing up and learning.
We talked more, about little things, important things and the ilk. As we talked I got more insight into how he thinks. I am starting to believe he is wise beyond his years. You see his reasoning can be boiled down to " any one who is desperate enough for a relationship, isn't comfortable with themselves."
I think what I am attempting to teach him is rubbing off: Be true to who and what you are. What I need to teach him though is not everyone is perfect. Not he, not I, not the one he was really enjoying dancing near. The secret, I think, is to learn to accept the imperfections, to realize that the imperfections make us who we are. To run away because of another's imperfections I tend to opine is because we cannot accept our own.
In a real sense, our imperfections are labeled as imperfections, when in fact they make us perfectly us. They are who we are.
Any how, supper was a slow cooked roast in the crock pot. Great for the crappy weather. I seared the roast on all sides, added some broth, rough cut carrots and onions, as well as some black beans. Half way through I added some chili adobo for some spiciness and then cooked for a couple more hours. I then served with some rice to which I had added a pepperjack cheese sause to.
Right now I am really diggin Mumford and son, so musically tonight it's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KkUeRPjc-Y&feature=fvwrel
Well anyway after a couple hours, curiosity got the better of me and I headed down to the school. It was interesting to see mini me take those tentative steps into adolescence. No I didn't interfere, as I have said before, it is his life not mine, so I just observed from afar.
Mini me was dancing in the center of the floor, as only Jr. High Schoolers can. Think more like a pack mentality rather than individual couples. Yet you can start to see those first steps, cautious at first, but they were there as the boys and the girls danced around one another, yet never actually with one person.
Any how, as I was talking to a parent who was chaperoning, I notice that mini me kept having two females tying to dance strictly in front of him. I say in front because as noted earlier they aren't really dancing with one another. Now when one was in front of him, you could tell he was enjoying himself, smiling, laughing, yes even blushing. However when the other one took her place, you could tell he just wasn't as into it.
Now before you start assuming, some body type, hair, etc. So it wasn't a shallow thing. I have tried to instill into mini me that looks are nothing really important, it's the content of the character and personality which matters. Well given how he changed depending on who was in front of him, I made a mental note to poke around the edges to see what was going on.
Later in the evening after I "officially" arrived to pick him up, as we were driving home, I did the standard parent line of questioning: "Did you have fun?" "Meet any new people?" "Did you dance or play in the gym?" I like to think that I have fostered an open relationship with mini me. He can talk to me about any and every thing, and believe me he has!
Well he answered the questions which of course prompted new question, specifically the one I was waiting for, " Did you dance with any girls?" He told me a couple. I noted I saw him dancing with such and such as well as so and so. His comment took me back and made me think for several reasons. The remark was " Such and such just wants to have a boyfriend, and I want none of that."
Now my first reaction was wow! Smart kid but it got me thinking, what does it say of our society that a tweener is desperate to be in a relationship? Kids really are growing up fast these days. Mini me's answer shows how he is growing up and learning.
We talked more, about little things, important things and the ilk. As we talked I got more insight into how he thinks. I am starting to believe he is wise beyond his years. You see his reasoning can be boiled down to " any one who is desperate enough for a relationship, isn't comfortable with themselves."
I think what I am attempting to teach him is rubbing off: Be true to who and what you are. What I need to teach him though is not everyone is perfect. Not he, not I, not the one he was really enjoying dancing near. The secret, I think, is to learn to accept the imperfections, to realize that the imperfections make us who we are. To run away because of another's imperfections I tend to opine is because we cannot accept our own.
In a real sense, our imperfections are labeled as imperfections, when in fact they make us perfectly us. They are who we are.
Any how, supper was a slow cooked roast in the crock pot. Great for the crappy weather. I seared the roast on all sides, added some broth, rough cut carrots and onions, as well as some black beans. Half way through I added some chili adobo for some spiciness and then cooked for a couple more hours. I then served with some rice to which I had added a pepperjack cheese sause to.
Right now I am really diggin Mumford and son, so musically tonight it's: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KkUeRPjc-Y&feature=fvwrel
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Hands On
So it has been an interesting day to say the least. Nasty, dreary weather makes my old bones ache. Actually not old, just a disabled vet, but no biggie. It was just interesting at work for various unsaid reasons, mainly to protect those who provide me comedic relief.
No it was an interesting day as mini me noticed as we were driving that a mother walking on the sidewalk was carrying her child who appeared to be about 4-5, while no more than 50 yards ahead another mother was walking hand in hand with her child who appeared to be about the same age.
I tend to think this is an apt metaphor for parenting and for life. There are those who carry their children through life, while others walk beside them hand in hand. I myself do neither. I prefer to walk behind him and let him learn his life's lessons, always there for support but it's his life to lead, not mine.
Don't get me wrong, there are times when we need to hold the hand, or carry our child. In my case it has been recently the metaphorical hand holding has taken place, for reasons expressed in other blog entries. But that is not how I work. I don't think mini me would learn anything about life if I carried him through it. Nor do I think it is my place to walk with him through it side by side. As I said, his life, not mine.
It should make for an interesting weekend. The Baltimore Book festival is taking place and I loves me a good book. Also mini me has some extra curriculars taking place Namely a school dance. Books I can handle, they generally tend to be less of a disappointment to me than people. As for the school dance, all I can really say is UGH! I am not ready for this.
He already has girls texting him, calling him buff and noting how deep his voice is. How come I am getting the sad premonition that he may be giving me dating advice soon? FML is all I can say, FML.
Oh well, such is life. Tonight we made a a curry chicken. A local store has great curry seasons - side note: the spicier the better- and I just added some coconut milk, some onions, garlic, peppers and diced tomatoes. Served it all over some rice.
I am diggin this song something fierce: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pehz98Vygs
No it was an interesting day as mini me noticed as we were driving that a mother walking on the sidewalk was carrying her child who appeared to be about 4-5, while no more than 50 yards ahead another mother was walking hand in hand with her child who appeared to be about the same age.
I tend to think this is an apt metaphor for parenting and for life. There are those who carry their children through life, while others walk beside them hand in hand. I myself do neither. I prefer to walk behind him and let him learn his life's lessons, always there for support but it's his life to lead, not mine.
Don't get me wrong, there are times when we need to hold the hand, or carry our child. In my case it has been recently the metaphorical hand holding has taken place, for reasons expressed in other blog entries. But that is not how I work. I don't think mini me would learn anything about life if I carried him through it. Nor do I think it is my place to walk with him through it side by side. As I said, his life, not mine.
It should make for an interesting weekend. The Baltimore Book festival is taking place and I loves me a good book. Also mini me has some extra curriculars taking place Namely a school dance. Books I can handle, they generally tend to be less of a disappointment to me than people. As for the school dance, all I can really say is UGH! I am not ready for this.
He already has girls texting him, calling him buff and noting how deep his voice is. How come I am getting the sad premonition that he may be giving me dating advice soon? FML is all I can say, FML.
Oh well, such is life. Tonight we made a a curry chicken. A local store has great curry seasons - side note: the spicier the better- and I just added some coconut milk, some onions, garlic, peppers and diced tomatoes. Served it all over some rice.
I am diggin this song something fierce: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pehz98Vygs
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
White lies
So mini-me got busted telling a white lie. The only person it affected was him, and it was quickly rectified. However he did ask me if there really ever is a time when I lie is necessary. Which has me thinking.
Personally I find it to be one of the ultimate show of a lack of respect to lie to someone. I mean we're all grown adults, right? Why lack the integrity to just be honest? A little background information may be helpful.
Yesterday I posted something on another website, which was more attuned to my interpersonal communication skills and have they have changed over the years. Yes, it could be construed that I was referring to people, and in fact, I was, only three, and no names were mentioned. 2 because of things they inferred about mini-me, and 1 because of lies which were said to me. Now a few people blew up my cell phone with text messages asking if it was referring to them, including 2 of the 3.
Now I didn't specifically state it was about them when asked, nor did I specifically deny. Perhaps this is a lie of omission, but in one specific case, it heads off a conversation which would be long and painful, for both parties I would think. Perhaps that is my own attempts to justify my actions, who knows?
I guess I have hit a stage of ambivalence. Then again, I don't think that is the right word. Apathy may be more in line with where I am. Too much has happened over the last year or so for me to really give a damn.
Perhaps I am kicking myself for what seems to be a lie of omission to people I have no personal respect for, yet somehow I cannot get over the feeling of two wrongs do not make a right. Perhaps the real answer lies in the fact that my greatest disappointments always come from those I let close to me.
In either even I hope mini me learns from my mistakes and never makes them.
Dinner was a slow cooked marinara, linguini with oven roasted sausage, a ceasar salad and garlic bread .
Music for the evening is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXYiU_JCYtU&feature=relmfu
Personally I find it to be one of the ultimate show of a lack of respect to lie to someone. I mean we're all grown adults, right? Why lack the integrity to just be honest? A little background information may be helpful.
Yesterday I posted something on another website, which was more attuned to my interpersonal communication skills and have they have changed over the years. Yes, it could be construed that I was referring to people, and in fact, I was, only three, and no names were mentioned. 2 because of things they inferred about mini-me, and 1 because of lies which were said to me. Now a few people blew up my cell phone with text messages asking if it was referring to them, including 2 of the 3.
Now I didn't specifically state it was about them when asked, nor did I specifically deny. Perhaps this is a lie of omission, but in one specific case, it heads off a conversation which would be long and painful, for both parties I would think. Perhaps that is my own attempts to justify my actions, who knows?
I guess I have hit a stage of ambivalence. Then again, I don't think that is the right word. Apathy may be more in line with where I am. Too much has happened over the last year or so for me to really give a damn.
Perhaps I am kicking myself for what seems to be a lie of omission to people I have no personal respect for, yet somehow I cannot get over the feeling of two wrongs do not make a right. Perhaps the real answer lies in the fact that my greatest disappointments always come from those I let close to me.
In either even I hope mini me learns from my mistakes and never makes them.
Dinner was a slow cooked marinara, linguini with oven roasted sausage, a ceasar salad and garlic bread .
Music for the evening is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXYiU_JCYtU&feature=relmfu
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)